Love & War (Soukoku and Fyoya)

In Which Dazai Makes A Mistake

A/n: tbh I forgot what having a proper sleep schedule is like ever since I had TikTok and wattpad

That evening, Dazai and Chuuya walked home together. Both assumed that Dazai would leave now, because Arahabaki had not made another appearance since yesterday. It should be alright. Dazai stashed his clothes in the vehicle. Chuuya would drive Dazai home and be done with him- hopefully until he could figure out his own mess of feelings about the suicidal idiot.

Dazai had other plans. The stars were lovely again tonight, as if fate was making the stars appear just for them. It was the kind of night that says whispers "something is coming." Dazai would use this newfound happiness. Chuuya would probably kill him for what he had planned. Nevertheless, Dazai thought Chuuya should know.

"The moon is beautiful tonight," Dazai remarked in the awkward silence.

"Yes," Chuuya replied wispily. "It is."

This was awfully familiar.

They finally reached the vehicle, the rest of the stroll in silence. Dazai finally broke.

"Chuuya," Dazai whispered. "Wait one moment."

Chuuya paused as Dazai grabbed his sleeve. Chuuya wondered what Dazai was gonna say. The crisp night air felt even colder now.

"I wanna kiss Chuuya," Dazai said, breathless.

In the following second, Chuuya's angry lips and expression were smothered by Dazai's lips. Dazai would use his lips and make that anger, the years of pain, disappear. He would make Chuuya's frown unreadable. Then, the most unfathomable thing happened- Chuuya kissed him back.

Chuuya, with his back against the vehicle, and Dazai pressed against him. Chuuya intertwined his fingers with Dazai's curly hair. In his mind, Chuuya noted that he was not "too short" for this.

Chuuya released Dazai. Dazai stared at the ground. Oh shit, he thought. Chuuya simply felt rage built up from the years- rage at Chuuya for still loving Dazai, rage at Dazai for the abandonment. Chuuya needed space right now. Chuuya could not do this again. Deal or not, kissing him without consent was crossing the line. Dazai could surpass all of Chuuya's boundaries and Chuuya would let him- and that was exactly the problem. Dazai would push and push and push-

"Why would you do that?" Chuuya asked, feeling numb. "I cannot do this again- not now. I do not know if I will ever be ready for this."

"I want Chuuya back," Dazai whispered, fingernails digging into his palms. "I need Chuuya back-"

"How cruel can you be?" Chuuya nearly yelled. "All you say is "I." You manipulate me with using those words- "I want" and "I need." Subconsciously, you must realize how that affects me." Chuuya paused, and Dazai was silent. "There is more that you must consider than just yourself Dazai- if not the Agency and Mafia, then at least think about how you effect me with you choices."

"I-" Dazai began. Point made.

"No," Chuuya snapped. "This time, you are gonna shut your mouth and listen." Dazai closed his mouth. "You say that you love me? Okay, fine. You claim you left me there so I could be happy? Then let me do that. If you love me, why would you actively make choices that harm me? So you can manipulate me into doing anything you tell me? So I can be your tool instead of Mori's? It is incredibly stupid! I never asked for any of this- not for my Gift, not for the Mafia, not for your partnership, not for Arahabaki. I do not want any of this."

Dazai felt broken. Chuuya opened the door and gathered Dazai's things, handing them over. The most painful part was that everything Chuuya said was true. Dazai was selfish. Dazai wished that he could let Chuuya go.

"Go home, Dazai." Chuuya finally said. "This time, forget about our bet. I do not wanna play this game anymore, chess or not. I am not interested." Their eyes met. "Do not follow me. I need space."

"But," Dazai began quietly, keeping his voice as steady as possible, "I love Chuuya. I miss Chuuya-"

"Osamu," Chuuya said, pressing emphasis on every syllable. "Go home."

Dazai could not argue anymore. He was exhausted from their day together. Clearly, Chuuya was too. Chuuya slid into the vehicle without another word and disappeared into the emptiness of the night. Dazai stood there, rooted on the spot. This was beyond him now. Dazai had screwed up.

"I love Chuuya"? What kind of bullshit was that? If Dazai had been vulnerable enough with Chuuya, said "I love you" instead, maybe Chuuya would still be here. Dazai might being holding Chuuya, or vice versa. He would never know now.

Dazai felt torn up inside. He began walking home, reeling and replaying the night on loop in his mind. That is when noticed something strange about that alleyway across the street- someone was there.

Could that person be hurt? Dazai quickly sat the stuff down and jogged over. There was someone in the alleyway, sprawled out on the concrete. Dazai checked his pulse- dead. The man was white as snow. Dazai shuttered, feeling eyes on him.

"Hello, Dazai."

Dazai peered upwards, recognizing the voice. It was Fyodor Dostoevsky- the man Dazai despized. His Russian accent made his identity too apparent. Dazai glared at Fyodor. Fyodor had the essence of an extremely irritating rat, who would not die no matter how many traps you set.

"Hello, Fyodor," Dazai replied, facading civilness. "What an unpleasant surprise. Why have you returned this time?"

"Well," Fyodor muttered, eyes hinting that he found humor in this situation. "I recently discovered that someone special lives here in Yokohama- someone that could be an extremely important asset in my cause."

Dazai huffed, "I am not joining the Decay of-"

"I meant someone else," Fyodor replied, titling his head slightly. "Someone with an incredible Gift and an aptitude for unfailing loyalty."

Dazai slowly felt realization sink in.

"His name," Fyodor continued, "is Chuuya Nakahara."

"Why are you telling me this?" Dazai asked quietly. "I do not even know him personally. Why should I care?"

"We both know that is not true," Fyodor said. "Unless what I witnessed five minutes ago was simply a sign of my sanity fading?"

Shit. Fyodor had seen him- Chuuya, his Chuuya. Dazai expected Fyodor would know about Chuuya's existence, but not their relationship. Dazai erased the records- there was nothing tying them, no official record of their partnership. If not for Dazai kissing Chuuya, Fyodor would never have known about their relationship.

"He would never join you," Dazai hissed, scowling. "Chuuya has morals- he could not handle it."

"Nevertheless," Fyodor replied. "It is clear he still cares about you- that makes you a liability, no?"

"If you were following us," Dazai said, "then you must have seen how he reacted. Chuuya does not love me. Not anymore." Dazai smirked. "You cannot use me against him- and it is not even a matter or whether or not I can outwit you. I will do whatever it takes, push Chuuya as far away as I can, if I will keep him safe from you."

"No matter what you do," Fyodor hummed, "feelings like that never go away completely."

Dazai's smirk faded as quickly as it had appeared.

"Checkmate, my friend," Fyodor whispered.

Suddenly, Dazai felt something pinch him from behind- a needle. Dazai felt dizzy.

"What did you," Dazai whispered, the world slowly fading and words slurring, "do..."

(Spoilers: Chuuya is going to meet a certain someone next chapter 🤭)

(1206 Words)