𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋 |𝟏𝟖+|

𝐅 𝐎 𝐑 𝐓 𝐘 ~ 𝐓 𝐇 𝐑 𝐄 𝐄

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

♛ A T L A S ♛

Estelle Mariano is a damn tease and she fucking knows it. 

She clouds my judgement and makes me do things I've never thought of doing before. She doesn't make it easy for me to think when she's around and I hate to admit that. There's just something about her that keeps me intrigued. 

That makes me feel the need to venture further. To learn more about her. But even she knows how dangerous it would be for the both of us. No matter how bad I may want her, I can't have her. I never can. The life I live is dangerous and could put her at risk. I wouldn't forgive myself if I knew that something happened to her because of me. 

That's why I was currently lecturing myself for kissing her first. 

But she kissed me back. Doesn't that count for something?

She also pushed me away and I'm sure that says a lot of things. I've started to think it was rushed. The kiss. The emotions afterward. Everything. Did I wholeheartedly believe it? No, I didn't. But I don't know what else to do but continue stipulating why she broke away from the kiss. I feel like a fool for believing there was anything behind it. 

And I wish I could say it was just a kiss. That it was something simple and brief and out of my mind and sight by the morning. But it wasn't, not to me at least. I felt something. Something that practically outweighs all the lust and desire I've had towards her. And somewhere in me fully believes she felt it, too. But I couldn't let my deluded fantasy of her get to my head.

Stella obviously wants nothing else to do with me. So, I guess this makes the situation easier to deal with. Because there is no tension between us. I don't wish to take her against every surface of this damn house. I feel no need to take her lips and claim them as mine.

I get no rush of adrenaline when she's around. My breath doesn't get caught in my throat whenever she walks by me. Her eyes don't manage to mesmerize and kill me at the same time. Nothing in her being entices me. Nothing about her captivates me. 

She means absolutely nothing. 

Not her glowy honey like skin. Not her alluring hazel irises. Not her voluminous and lively dark curls. Not her radiating and gleaming smile. Not even her beautiful face. It's all nothing. 

 I give something, she feels nothing and that's the way it is now. Probably how it will always be. 

My mom has taught me well enough with her heavy and overbearing words of wisdom. Something I learned from her is knowing what I want for myself in life. I want her, but not in the condition that she doesn't want me back. I can never live with myself knowing that I forced or coaxed someone into loving, I mean liking me. 

"You know what? I'm just going to start with the questions since you seem to be lost in thought," Stella speaks with a sigh following after, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

"Yeah, you do that." I agree, straightening myself up from my slouching position. 

She rolls her eyes and then asks, "When and why did you take over the Mafia?"

"I took over the Mafia when I was 12 years old because I fell off my bike when I tried to ride it without training wheels," I state sincerely and for a minute I think she actually believes me. 

She hides her laughter with a fake clearing of her throat and her hands thumping on the table. "I'm serious, Atticus."

"What makes you think I'm not?" Stella is about to open her mouth to say something back, but I put my finger up and she closes her mouth but not before sticking her tongue out at me. Sometimes I swear she's a little kid trapped in an adult's body. "No, Stella, that doesn't count as a question."