Locked In The Mind-Scape

#43- the park of starting memories

~day 185 in the dorms~

Mornings in the front space came like a blur for Aviva. Teeth, hair, clothes, breakfast, overstimulation, crying, foggy, somewhere else. Her room. The kitchen. The common room. Aizawa’s room. Anywhere that had not been her previous location.

Aviva was young. Possibly their youngest fronting alter. Leo had fronted before, being present since the start; though, not in months, and never often. It had been over six months in the dorms. Seven months since they ran away. And yet, that moment still felt like it had been only days ago. Their heart beating so anxiously, Mika could still feel it when she took a deep-breath. Ringing in their ears, crying in the back of their memories. Cold, distant touch from people they hadn't since encountered.

Hitoshi thought of them daily. What were they doing? Did they still think of him? Of their actions, their hate, the feeling of their arms around his body; shielding him from what they claimed was pending doom. A future of broken-ness that never came in the light they had portrayed.

Aviva thought of them as well. Not as clearly as Hitoshi could. Instead, she remembered the kind things. Breakfast, swinging and dancing. Little memories that made up who they are. Who she is. The illusion of who the two adults had wanted Hitoshi to see them as. The protectors. His protectors.

Aviva let out an echoing shriek of a whine, discarding her entire plate of food on the ground as she wrapped herself around Sero. The older boy had been on breakfast duty that morning when he noticed Aviva not eating the neatly made waffles he had placed in front of her. He had attempted to encourage her to take only a few small bites when the girl promptly lost it, wailing loudly for comfort.

Sero calmly lifted Aviva up into his arms, shushing her as he made eye contact with Momo who stood across from him. Everyone had been looking in their direction since the first scream, picking silently who would stand up to clean the mess. It wasn't so much that they didn't want to help, and more so that if they all stood up and walked around, Aviva might get over-stimulated.

“Momo,” Sero murmured softly, his head tilting up to silently request her assistance. She stood up and as silently as she could, picked the plate off the ground and tossed the waffles. Sero lost sight of her as she went into the kitchen to abandon the plate in the dishwasher.

“Let's get you a paci, sweet girl.. “ He cooed out to the young girl, taking her into the common area to find the pacifier she had been chewing on the previous day.

Discipline was a difficult subject for class 1A when it came to the system. The littles were taught to behave; however, not all of them responded to time-outs or removal of toys. And most toys were comfort items, more so than just entertainment. They couldn't revoke a lot of things without triggering one of them.

Aviva was a more difficult case. Due to her response to things such as over-stimulation, stress, and sensory matters, she was mentally unavailable when upset. Meaning, if Hanta didn't calm her down before speaking to her about her behavior, she would get nothing out of the conversation.

Several long minutes went by without any improvement from the little. After trial and error for nearly fifteen minutes, Mina threw out the only solution she could think up.

“What if we go to the park? Would that be any fun, love-bug?”

Sero glanced at Mina, relief flickering in his eyes at the suggestion. "Does that sound nice, mi amor?" he questioned softly, his tone as soothing as the summer sun while gently bouncing her in his arms.

Aviva's sobs quieted to soft hiccups as she blinked up at Sero. Her face was streaked with tears, her hair messy and frayed. She wasn’t fully calm yet, but the mention of the park seemed to capture her attention.

Mina moved closer, crouching down to Aviva's level as Sero slowly set her on her feet. "We can play on the swings, and you can show me how high you can go," Mina added, her voice light and encouraging.

Aviva hesitated, her tiny pale palms gripping the textured fabric of Sero's shirt. She dug her nails deep into one of the seams, and yet, it refused to come undone. “Swings..?” She shifted quietly, her body restless in Hanta's gentle grip.

“Yes, Mi Amor, you may swing.”

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“What exactly makes this place so special to you?” Niana questioned the pink covered teen, watching her hook a hammock to a few of the open trees.

“Special?” She repeated, chuckling softly. “It's not that it's special. It's the memory some of us have from the first time.” Mina corrected, letting the make-shift swing fall from her grip once hooked-up. “You know, this is the place some of us first realized Hitoshi wasn't always with us. I mean, we didn't think he was a system, but we started to notice the dissociation. The lack of coherent thought patterns and speech. I mean, some of us were really worried about his health before we knew. Hanta more than once considered going to staff for help, thinking Hitoshi might be sick or even depressed.”

Niana's gaze softened, nodding gently as she looked around the large park area. It was early in the morning, not many people besides the class were out quite yet. “They're lucky to have you guys.” She murmured softly. “To have anyone who cares that deeply. Not many people with our disorder get that so easily.”

“I'm sorry.” Mina promised, near silently, a melancholy smile over her dark pink lips. “I'm sorry..” She couldn't help but repeat once more, emphasizing how deeply she couldn't help but feel for Niana.

The older teen nodded, returning the look. “It's okay, we're doing okay.” She chuckled softly, “It's okay to sometimes, just be okay.. It doesn't have to always be perfect for you to survive.”

“But is it so wrong to hope for it to at least be good?” She retorted, looking into deep crimson eyes as her lips contorted into an almost frown.

Niana silently pondered the thought, slowly shaking her head before giving the young girl a melancholy smile. “No, it's not.. But sometimes, too much is relative. We don't always get more good days than bad in a lifetime.. We don't always manage to earn more than what we have.. "

Those words hit Mina, her heart sinking. "Do you believe.. That we deserve more..?"

"Of course I believe we deserve it, kiddo. But it's not always one hundred percent a choice. Hitoshi has you. They all have you guys.." She leaned back as she sat on the wooden oak park bench. "Sometimes it's already worth it. They're happy, and so are you. Treatment can go along way when done correctly. You'll see how fast you'll manage to grow.. How fast they'll grow.. "