Ordinary Confession | HoonSuk [✓]

12

I hid right away when the female who just walked out from Hyunsuk hyung’s apartment already reached the ground floor. Is it his new girlfriend? She looked very attractive. More to the cute type. But Hyunsuk hyung has been introducing his girlfriends to me whenever he dated someone. But why not this one? Or is it because they’re not official yet? Are they in ‘some’ relationship? But it doesn’t change the fact that Hyunsuk hyung is trying to hide it from me. He said that he’s not home when he’s actually home with a cute girl. Am I mad? Yes. Why? I don’t know. Is it because I hope Hyunsuk hyung will be honest with me? But what am I expecting? I couldn’t even be honest to him about my actual feelings toward him.

I walked toward the nearest convenient store. I could just walk back home but I was still conflicted as to whether I wanted to go and see Hyunsuk hyung first or not. Now that I know that Hyunsuk hyung is actually home right now, it makes me want to go and just see him right away. But Hyunsuk hyung doesn’t want to see me today. He said it clearly through his messages that he’ll try to find some time to see me tomorrow. It just indirectly tells me that he doesn’t want to see me today. Or he doesn’t want to see me at all?

Is my call just now interrupting anything? That make the girl who’s with him earlier need to leave? I feel bad for doing so. I grabbed a can of beer and sat at the table outside of the convenience store. Let’s clear my mind first. I put the paper bag filled with the pretzels that I bought specially for Hyunsuk hyung on the table. I wanted to go and give him those and waited for his expression when he ate it. He might have looked really happy because the pretzels tasted so good and very close to the pretzels he used to eat during high school. I couldn’t help but to smile while imagining Hyunsuk hyung’s expression. He definitely will look extremely cute with his squishable cheeks while eating the pretzels.

What if he doesn’t like the pretzels anymore? Or he doesn’t feel like eating anything after I interrupted his time with the possible or already girlfriend girl? Or he doesn’t want to eat anything that’s from me because of the same reason? No. I don’t think that Hyunsuk hyung is that kind of guy. But do I really know Hyunsuk hyung that well for me to be confident that Hyunsuk hyung won’t act that way? I ruffled my hair. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think anymore. I gulped a mouthful of the beer that I bought earlier.

“Are you going to Hyunsuk hyung’s house today?” someone suddenly said. I turned to the owner of that voice. It’s Bang Yedam. He’s a university student who has been working part time at this convenience store since last year. He put an onigiri on the table. “Here. For you,”

“Why don;t you eat it?” I asked him.

“I’ve been working here for a whole year, hyung. There’s sometimes I’m sick of the food here,” Yedam said. “Besides, my friend already brought me a takeaway. I’m going to eat those later,”

“Oh,” I nodded. I took another sip of the beer before I grabbed the onigiri. “I’ll enjoy it. Thank you,”

“You are welcome,” Yedam said. “Oh! Did Hyunsuk hyung just get himself a girlfriend?”

I almost choked on the onigiri I just took a bite of. I quickly grabbed the beer and drank it. Trying to swallow everything.

“Why did you say that?” I asked, even though I already have a little hint of why Yedam said that.

“When I just started my shift earlier today, Hyunsuk hyung came with a girl. They looked close and joked around. I don’t think that Hyunsuk hyung has any close friends who are girls. But well. I’m not that close with Hyunsuk hyung anyway,” Yedam said.

“I wonder if I’m close with Hyunsuk hyung or not too,” I mumbled.

“What?” Yedam asked. I turned to Yedam and smiled.

“No. Nothing,” I said.

“There are times, I thought that you guys might be a couple, you know? Because you guys looked a little too close to be just friends,” Yedam said. “Ah. I’m sorry if my words make you uncomfortable,”

“It’s alright,” I said. “Do we look like a couple in your eyes?”

“Well. Actually, yes. For more than a year I worked here, and seeing the two of you, I really thought that you two might be dating. I have some friends who dated the same gender and they gave a similar vibe as you two,” Yedam said. “And you look like you really like Hyunsuk hyung. That you prioritize Hyunsuk hyung over everything. I just get that feeling when I look at you two,”

“Am I being obvious?” I smiled. Yedam looked at me with his eyes widened.

“You- seriously?” Yedam asked. I took my beer and drank it. “Woah. I shouldn’t tell you about that girlfriend,”

“I know it already. I saw them earlier,” I told him.

“So. You’re alright?” Yedam asked.

“i wonder,”

“Are you not going to tell him about your feelings?” Yedam asked.

“I still wanted to stay right by his side. I don’t want my confession to change our relationship. Or make us become distant,” I told myself. “I’m a little selfish, you know,”

“Are you going to be okay?” Yedam asked.

“I hope I will,” I said.

“Oh! Welcome,” Yedam said when he saw a customer coming inside. He stands up to go back to the counter. “Cheer up, hyung. If you want to talk about it, you can always call me, okay?”

“Thank you. I appreciate it,” I said.

“I’m going back to work. Get home safely, okay?” Yedam said. I just nodded and watched him walk back to the counter. I finished the onigiri and my beer. After throwing away the empty can and the onigiri wrap, I looked at the paper bag on the table.

I decided to just put the paper bag filled with the pretzels on Hyunsuk hyung’s door. Yeah. I bought it for Hyunsuk hyung so I need to give it to him no matter what. I walked back toward the apartment complex where Hyunsuk hyung lives. I go up to the floor where Hyunsuk hyung’s unit is at. I hung the paper bag on the door knob and took a picture of it. I walked down and stood where I could see Hyunsuk hyung’s unit. I sent Hyunsuk hyung the picture telling him that I bought the pretzel for him, I left it on his door and asked him to eat it when he was already back home. Hyunsuk hyung replied to me telling me thank you and he’ll enjoy it.

I stared at the apartment unit Hyunsuk hyung lives in. Almost like a stalker. I hope no one actually reported me for stalking or something. After a few minutes, I saw Hyunsuk hyung opened the door and took the paper bag that I left. He’s home after all. But there’s a possibility that he just doesn't want to make me feel bad because I just told him that I’m going to confess to my crush and he told me that he’ll wait for a while if I get rejected or something, to not hurt my feelings or something. But for now, it just feels like he doesn’t want to see me at all.

There’s no way that Hyunsuk hyung is already done with his meeting or anything outside and just reached home now. Like, he can just tell me that he’s already home. The guy who looks like Hyunsuk hyung that I saw earlier is indeed Hyunsuk hyung. I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t have any twin or sibling who looked exactly like him. But Hyunsuk hyung probably hid it from me? It's not that important for him to tell everything about himself. Just look at what happened earlier. He didn’t even tell me about his soon to be girlfriend. I shook my head at those thoughts. It’s my decision to like Hyunsuk hyung and keep my feelings to myself. I just need Hyunsuk hyung to stay by my side, even just as a friend. I’ve decided to do so, so why am I feeling like this? I hated this feeling.

“You coward, stupid human, Park Jihoon,” I told myself. I like Hyunsuk hyung so much that everything just hurts my feelings.