I Love You ~ Louis Tomlinson

Tonight

"Hey H," Natalie says quietly as Harry opens the door. "Can I um," her voice cracks so she tries to clear her throat, "Stay here tonight?"

"Of course," he says, quickly pulling her into his room and then straight into his arms to hug her. "What's going on bub?" 

"Louis, he," she tries to explain but starts to cry before she can really get anything out. 

"Okay, it's okay." He says and ushers her further into the room. 

He brings her over to the small couch and sits her down, pulling a blanket over her lap and letting her cry into his shoulder. 

His room looks basically the same as her and Louis' room, with two beds only they aren't pushed together and Harry's stuff is all over one of them. 

"I think it's over between the two of us." She mumbles. 

"What?" He shrieks and she startles. "Sorry, what do you mean by that?"

"What I just said Harry," she groans and hunches over, putting her hands in her hair. "Sorry, I just don't know what to do with myself right now," she says as she pulls her knees up against her chest and rests her chin on them. 

"I know Nat, but it'll be okay. Want to explain to me what happened?" He asks softly, rubbing a hand up and down her back. 

Through many cups of tea and more than a few tears she explains what happened between her and Louis. No, he didn't outright say it was over between the two of them, but she doesn't know how to fight the things in his mind. How to reach him when he's trapped by the fear of things that may never happen. 

"But he told you he wanted a family, he must want to work this out," Harry tries. "He's probably just too scared to think straight."

"I don't know, you didn't see him," she sighs. 

Harry pauses to take a deep breathe and then takes her hand up in his gently. "I've known Louis a long time. He's more sensitive than he'll let on, as you well know by now and he's stubborn." Harry chuckles, "I think you know that too. It's hard to feel so much and not feel like you have a way to express that."

"But why wouldn't he express his feelings to me? I wouldn't judge him," she says confused. 

"I know that and I'm sure he does too, but let me finish." He shakes his head, but he has a smile on his face, "I can't speak for him, but I don't think he knows how to. It's not that he doesn't trust you, he might not even trust himself."

She hums as she thinks about Harry's words and then she suddenly gets up. "I'm going to go get my pajamas and glasses. I'll be right back." She squeaks out. 

"Want me to come with you?" Harry offers kindly. 

"No," she shakes her head and teases him in an attempt  to not seem as sad as she is, "I think I can walk across the hall just fine by myself."

Harry chuckles and looks up at her, "I'll wait here for you then." 

Natalie nods and then opens the door to take the short journey to her room. When she gets to the door, she pauses. It is technically her room too, she has every right to go in there and get a few things and yet her mind tries to tell her she shouldn't. 

She just has to do it before she thinks even more. She reaches her hand out to grab the handle but pauses. She shakes her head and thinks about turning back and going to Harry's room, but that's just silly and she does need her glasses. 

Just as she's worked enough nerve up to open the door, it opens from the other side. "Oh," she jumps and takes a step back. 

"Sorry," Louis says awkwardly. He's startled too and drops the few things that were in his hand to the floor. He scratches the back of his neck. "I'm gonna stay in Zayn's room. Figured it'd be better that way, I mean just in case..." He trials off but doesn't keep going. 

She nods and finds it hard to look up at him. How did they go from a few hours ago being completely fine to this. That thought alone makes her look up at him. She's not sure what she sees in his eyes. It's the definition of overwhelming, far too many things just to pin point one. 

"I was going to stay with Harry, in case you wanted space," she trials off. 

"Probably better we're both not alone right now," he says softly, looking at the ground. 

Right, but not together, she thinks but doesn't say it. Louis sighs and leans against the doorframe. It's like neither of them want to go, but they don't know where to go from here. 

She realizes now just how tactile they usually are. They probably haven't gone this long since they started dating without at least holding hands with each other or something. 

Is it wrong that she misses him? It seems so cliché to miss someone she's in the same room with, but here she is. 

"I'm not sure what to do now," he says with an awkward chuckle. 

Right now like this situation or with us? She wants to ask but she's more afraid of the answer than she is of not knowing what he meant. "That's what I was thinking," she murmurs. When he doesn't say anything else she walks closer to him, she feels like she has to be closer. She puts her hand gently on his arm to test the waters. "Can we talk in the morning?"

"Yeah," he breathes and pulls her into a hug. She's surprised, but the way her body relaxes in his hold is immediate and it's so so comforting. She wants to cry again, but she holds it in. "I'll see you in the morning," he whispers. 

She realizes then he didn't use any nicknames this entire time and it almost feels like a punch to the gut. She got so used to his terms of endearment that it feels so strange without them. 

She moves away from him to help him pick up his things and then watches as he walks away to Zayn's room. It's like she can feel her heart breaking all over again.