Running with Wolves 3

19

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️
MAJOR FUCKING CONTENT WARNING
LIKE PROPER TRAUMA CHAT
THERE IS A POTENTIAL FOR TEARS
⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

Not fully edited/proof read but nice and long :)

Blue's PoV
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I roll over in bed, pulling the duvet over my head to shield myself from the sunlight, along with hiding myself from the day.

I heard Alexander moving about the house hours ago, though refused to get up - not even to shush him. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I currently can't physically complete such a task.

Well, not for long at least since, after a few days of convincing, I finally agreed to attempt physical therapy with Alex.

He was obviously overjoyed by this information when I told him in the kitchen. He had dropped the knife in his hand almost immediately and did a victorious sort of spin before racing round the island to me. I thought he was going in for a hug but he took my face into his hands and pulled me in for a tender kiss.

I had frozen, caught off guard by his actions. We hadn't kissed in months. I'm still getting used to sharing a bed with him again, and I still use a separate duvet, so that was a big step that I wasn't completely ready for.

"Shit, sorry. I'm sorry— I'm just so happy. I'm so proud of you Blue," he had apologised immediately but the smile on his face never left.

So, hours later, here we are, Alex sat next to me as Natalie talks us through the plan she's got drawn out for me. To say I'm excited would be a lie, but also to say I want to leave would be one too.

I think one of the main reasons I'm not so into this is because I'm scared. I'm scared that it's not going to work and Alex is going to be so disappointed in me. I'm scared that it's going to give me false hope that I can be normal again. I'm scared that it's going to fail entirely...but a small part of me is even more scared about if it works. I'm scared to start walking again and I don't understand why.

This whole situation is a terrifying concept to me and I don't know how to understand it. I'm getting in my head about all of this and I don't know how to go about fixing it. I'm trying to ignore these thoughts but they're always there. Those voices are always fighting in my mind and it's overwhelming.

I've been speaking to Natalie about it a bit, as well as the various 'I'm not a therapist, I'm just a friend' therapists I've seen regarding different issues, and they're becoming more manageable. Having hallucinations like the ones I'm experiencing isn't normal and I'm hoping one day I'll be comfortable enough to tell Alex. Just...not right now.

Natalie's plan for me is to initially learn to stand and then we can move on to walking from there. I nod along, listening to the step by step plan that Alex seems to be trying to commit to memory considering the intensity of his stare on Natalie.

"Alright. So, come back tomorrow at nine and instead of coming here, you're going to want to head to the second floor. Physical therapy is in the room at the end on the right," she explains, writing a few more things down as she mutters, "Why they don't have it on the ground floor is beyond me."

"Okay," Alex nods, "and is there anything we should be doing at home before then? Or...?"

Natalie spares us a glance, "No, not really. Just have a good dinner, get some rest, and be ready to work tomorrow."

So that's what we did. Alex cooking a dinner full of protein and carbs, everything he told me would give me energy for the following morning, and I go to bed early, though it isn't until three days later that I finally agree to start.