Disease (Ponyboy Curtis)

-11-

Delilah's POV

Dally agreed to take me to the copy store, so we went. I copied the picture.

We pulled into the house and i jumped out. I ran inside and it was bright in there. But the bright like in those Sunday mornings where the blinds are open and its just so bright. I wanted to smile but something kept me from doing that

Everyday looked up to me and froze. I ran into my room. I took the necklace off and placed it on the dresser. I opened it and started to cut the copied picture. I cut it to the shape and placed it in the locket. It fit perfectly. I felt tears threaten to pour.

"No, no more tears" i said grabbing the necklace and put it on. I felt my heart break.

I need to see him.

I grabbed my Johnny's jacket and put it on, It was really cold out so i grabbed my black coat and walked out side my room. I wanted to walk there. I kissed Pony's cheek and whispered to him "I'm gonna go see Johnny" he looked at me worriedly and swallowed his eggs "Do you want me to come?" he asked. I shook my head and walked out the door.

I watched the leaves fall from the tree's. Fall was my favorite season, everything was cold and colorful. I remembered my bestfriend. How colorful he was, how he is dead. How happy he would be when we danced. How he would scratch the back of his head when he was acting shy. How no matter how much his parents hit him he would pull threw. I took a quivering breathe as i opened the gate to the grave yard.

I walked among all the soldiers, the elders, the people who didn't make it, the people who thought it was the answer. I sat down at Johnny's grave. I breathed in and felt a tear slip

"This is so hard Johnny, I can't do this. I lost you. I just want to die. You left. I should've looked both ways before crossing the street. Goddamnit you would still be here. You would be sitting in the lot, or sleeping on the couch at The Curtis' house. Maybe Me, You and Pony would go see a movie at the drive in. Or the movie house which ever you would prefer" i wiped my nose "But you gone, i lost you" i cried. I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I shaky hand placed a rose in front of me. I looked up and a elder was smiling down at me. He placed the rose in my lap and nodded

"He may be lost, but he's never gone" he said and looked down at the grave next to Johnny's and wiped the dirt off it "She told me that when Dad died" he said. I looked down at the rose then back at Johnny. Not gone?

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I opened the door and wiped my nose. Everyone looked up at me. I looked around. No Johnny. He's gone. I looked at everyone "Hi" i said weekly. Pony jumped up and pulled me in the house more and shut the door. No words. But i broke down.

I cried. I cried for Johnny. I cried for the elder at the grave. I cried for everyone. I cried.

It was so hard to handle. I'm loosing so much. I lost so much.

I'm loosing myself.

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I was placed to bed rest after i broke down. I would just lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking. Playing with necklace. I heard a knock at the door. I grabbed my blankets and pulled them up more "Yeah.." i said quietly. I looked up and saw him standing there.

This is fake. He's dead. He's not here.

I stood up "You're fake, You're not here" i said feeling my heart began to pace "I'm not here yes, But i'm not gone" he picked up the rose and stuck it out "B-but, I-" he opened his arms and i hugged him. It felt so real. Everything felt real. Like he was there "Please don't leave me" i muttered into his shoulder "You have to let me go, Delilah you can do this. Let me go" he said and looked at me and smiled

I nodded "Goodbye Johnny" i said grabbing the rose and watching him fade away.

I knew it wasn't real. I knew he wouldn't stay. I felt like something was lifted my shoulders. My sadness wasn't there anymore "Ponyboy" i yelled out, Seconds later he opened the door "Yea" he said quietly "Can you bring me a vase with water please" i said still staring down at the rose. He nodded and brought me a vase which i placed the rose in.

I looked at Pony walking out the door "Will you lay with me?" i asked and he nodded "Yea" he said with a small smile.

I laid down in the bed and Pony followed me. I put my head on his arm and put on leg up on his stomach (on side). He put his hand on my back and drew circles "Pony" i said and he hummed in response

"I think i'm okay" i said playing with his shirt "You think or you know" he said looking down at me. I chuckled

"I know i'm okay" i said and he smiled. He kissed my nose and i smiled "Hey" he said getting excited "You smiled!" he yelled out "Guy's get in here she smile- Look she's laughing!" he yelled out jumped on the bed while i rolled laughing. Soon everyone was in the room laughing and cheering. Steve stumbled in with chocolate cake on his face

"What'd i miss" he asked and Soda picked up a pillow and smacked him in the face with a pillow. I laughed along with the gang and that started a huge pillow fight. Me and Pony fought each other and feathers went flying everywhere. I was laughing and standing on the bed with Pony. He grabbed my waist and kissed me. I smiled against the kiss as feathers flew everywhere "Hey, it's like a kiss in the ran but with feather" he said.

I threw my head back laughing.

Johnny was right, i need to let go. He's happy now. Because i'm happy.

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Me and Taylor decided to meet up at the park and hang out. We talked about everything that had recently happened without tears, cause i was okay "So you have these nasty thoughts that just tear you down when you're happy?" she asked and i nodded "Yep, That's why people at school called me a disease" i said walking backwards. She nodded "Thats horrible, Don't you have the money to get that fixed?" she asked and i looked at her confused "I can get this fixed?" i asked "How?" she nodded "You can have it surgically removed" she said talking with her hands explaining how it works.

I smiled.

I won't be a disease anymore.