Breathe | s.b | bridgerton

12

As Carina entered the ball with her hand in the Duke's, she yet again noticed his bruised knuckles, and made the connection she failed to make earlier. Her heart warmed at the realisation, yet, her entire being shouted at her for feeling grateful to him when he yet again disrespected her request to leave the matter be.

But she supposed, she could let it go, for he hurt himself for her sake, and never once complained. She was grateful for that, finding herself unable to view him anything but her friend this time. She refused time and time again whenever her heart considered him a friend, for this was a ruse and not a friendship and he was her accomplice. Yet this time, she supposed he did consider her rather close to him too, or he would not have gone to such lengths for her.

As they began dancing along to the melody, she whispered, "You should not have lost your temper with Lord Berbrooke. You hurt your hand."
"You should know something about me, Miss Bridgerton. I will not tolerate a bully." he whispered back, his eyes making contact with hers,
"And you should know something about me, Your Grace. I will not have this go wrong." she reminded him,
"You mean our ruse?" he questioned, never taking those brown eyes of his off her own blue ones.

"It is more than a ruse now. It is more than a negotiation. This is not just about finding the best match to impress Lady Whistledown... or the queen, or any member of the ton. This is about a life, Your Grace. My life. I must finally take charge of it. I cannot afford to do otherwise. So I shall not have this go wrong. If you are not in agreement, then you should tell me now." Carina tells him, desperate for him to understand.

"I shall agree... on one condition." hearing him say those words saddened her, "You do not understand, Your Grace..." she shook her head, lowering it, breaking her gaze with Simon's.

"That you call me Simon." he says instantly, wishing for her to look back at him, look back in his eyes, look at nothing but him. He did not know what prompted such a sudden want- nay, need in his being, but the smile she carried on her lips- that prompted a smile he was sure graced his face in return- when she picked her head back up and the flutter in his heart made him not care the least bit about that.

'That you call me Simon.' her brain echoed his words. It was a strange request, not one she expected, but welcomed nonetheless. And as she looked back at him, in those brown eyes of his, she felt them, once again, take her breath away, along with any sense of her surroundings.

"If we are truly to seem to be courting, if this is to be a match like no other, you should call me by my name." he spoke up, seemingly justifying his unnecessary and strange request, more to himself rather than her. Slowly forming a smile on her lips, she tried to speak his name, for the very first time,
"Very well... Simon." she involuntarily dipped her head and let out a giggle at her childishness, at her ability to get so overjoyed at speaking someone's name. She did that all the time with so many people, but saying his name, left her strangely content.

"Is there something funny about my name?" he questioned at her giggling.
"No, no, no. It is a perfectly fine name." She reassured, looking him in the eyes and finding those stupid brown eyes already looking at her. Once again, lying to her.

While those stupid brown eyes yelled how they hate everyone in the loudest of any possible voice, that twinkle in them whispered to her how she was the exception, how no matter if the angels stepped down or the gods themselves showed up, she would still be the one and only person they would need, the one and only one they would still like.

"Oh, perfectly fine? Very well... Carina." Simon spoke up, pulling her even closer to himself as they danced, then, as Carina heard him say her name for the first time, something inside her melted. She heard her name roll off of his tongue so effortlessly, sounding so beautiful, more than ever before, and she knew she wanted to hear him say it for the rest of her life. She wanted to remain in his arms, so protective yet so gentle, and never leave. She knew then, she could never write her name the same way again.

Her heart stopped, and her breath got caught in her throat, as she felt his bare hand rising behind her to touch the bare skin on her upper back. That stupid hand of his that he bruised for her sake, and those stupid, lying brown eyes of his that twinkled as he looked down at her, she realised it was the ice wall she had built around her heart. When she heard him say her name, that wall melted completely, leaving her heart bare, open, vulnerable.

And he saw that chance and he crawled in so quickly, she never realised until it was too late. He crawled into the deepest corners of her heart and he himself never realised. Now, he was the only one in there, the only one that shall ever be there, for he owns her heart completely. That was when realisation hit her, she fell in love, and she fell in love without any knowledge, and she fell in love so quickly and so hard, there was no chance to catch herself.

Carina Bridgerton fell in love with Simon Basset, and she could not do anything about it now.

And with the startling realisation, she reeled herself back in, reeled her heart back in, or at least attempted to, and taking a staggering half a step back, she said, "I wish to find a husband... so that I may fulfil my duty to my family."
And with absolute disappointment in his heart, wishing nothing else but to hold her close to him again, Simon replied, "Then let us find you a husband." as the song came to an end, and so did their dance.

A moment later, as they parted ways, a gentleman approached Carina asking for a dance, and as she went with him with a smile on her face, she sought Simon's brown eyes one last time, and found them already looking at her.

Simon stood in the corner of the ball room, watching Carina dance with possible suitors, with a huge smile on her face, and his heart ached. He wished to be the only one who could make her smile like that, the only one who could make her happy. He wanted to be the only reason for her happiness. He wanted to be everything to her that she was to him. Yet, suppressing his feelings of infatuation and simple attraction he felt for his best friend's eldest sister, he stood there, watching her, when Lady Danbury came up and stood next to him.

"The two of you certainly make a captivating match, Your Grace." she had said, stirring up some strange emotions within him, yet he continued to simply watch her.
"Whatever is bothering you?" Lady Danbury spoke up, astonished by his silence.
"N-Nothing at all, Lady Danbury." He had spoken, his stutter from his childhood coming to the surface just for a bit.

Yet, contrary to the words he spoke, he thought back to the vow he made to his dying father, and for the first time in his life, he truly wondered whether it was truly worth it.