Greater Than Temptation

chapter one

"Funny, you're the broken one. But I'm the only one who needed saving. 'Cause when you never see the light, It's hard to know which one of us is caving"

AMIRA

flashback/nightmare starts

'laid out on the floor in the fetal position sobbing until I couldn't cry anymore, "I wanna go home, I want to go back to mommy's house. Take me back please just take me back" I begged and begged my father from the floor of my room because I was directly above his

exhausting my voice coughing between sentences just begging to go back home, anywhere away from my father and his house.

His house, his. Not ours, this will never be my home.

I have to get my brother and me out of here I don't want to ever come back no matter how much I love my father I can't be treated like this anymore It's breaking me from the inside and out.

"Please just take us back, take me back" I beg not bothering to wipe the snot from my nose or drink water to soothe my voice from its raspiness. He's ignoring me It won't work anyway, I only packed enough pajamas to stay here for the weekend and not be dropped off to camp from his house which was an hour away compared to our mother's apartment which was 12 minutes away

It's lonely I have no friends here, we only come every other weekend and spend the rest of the week at Mom's. "If I show up to camp with the same clothes they're gonna think I'm dirty Please just take me back" he doesn't let us use his laundry washer and dryer there's no use in asking. I could hear my little brother playing outside in the grass being the little kid he is

I began to hear heavy footsteps on the way to my room, 'oh no Is he going to whip me with the belt again or choke me and lift me up into the air again' I thought to myself although I'd rather be dead than come back to this house and be here alone with him and not in the comfort of my mother

"Well that's too damn bad get down here and wash these damn dishes your useless enough," My father said with no remorse for me in his voice or eyes, honestly what did I even expect, I wiped my tears and made my way downstairs being the obedient 12 year old I was"

end of flashback/wakes up

I wake up hyperventilating trying to calm myself down, trying to reassure myself he's not coming after me, haunting me down out of hatred for something I'm not even sure is my fault.

I look around the dark room blinking slowly feeling the midnight spring weather breeze through and all around me. I focus on the digital rectangular clock sitting on my nightstand, the clock says 06:41 on the front in bold white letters. I have 2 hours until work. I rub my skin to get rid of the slight goosebumps due to my replicative nightmare

"He's not here, I'm safe" I reassure myself out loud while my breathing starts to regulate as if that makes anything different 

I hate that he did this to me, I hate how he's doing this to me and he's not even here.

He's not here but he's everywhere, he's in my head, my fear, my fear of the unknown, my anxiety I can't escape it.

I hate him, but should I love him, he's my father.

I reach up feeling the back of my neck and wince trying to avoid the memories

that's why I haven't contacted him in 12 years and I will continue to do that.                                         

So yes I can hate him and I do.

I hate him just like I hate all men.

I can't even commit to a relationship, I have fuckbuddies to occupy me when I'm horny but what happens after that?

What am I doing with my life?

It's not like I don't get approached, I just can't give them what they want especially when I'm still broken and don't plan on being fixed anytime soon

I can't be loved.

I don't want to be, or maybe I do either way I'm too emotionally detached to actually commit

I'm just tired, so fucking tired.

***

I start to get ready for work because I'm already up and work starts at 8:45

I reply to emails for 40 minutes after getting ready until my phone rings.

I get a call from Marisella my assistant reminding me I have a meeting with Mr.King and associates in an hour.

****

OKAYYYY so first chapter!!!!!!

𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬? 𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬? 𝐎𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬? 𝐈𝐦 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐝

𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐎𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐰 𝐣𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐞 ?