That nigh my brother got shot, i hugged his dead corpse but the walkers around us started coming through the forest. My heart felt so much sorrow and guilt but another side attacked it, making me feel...numb. "we have to get going now Iris." Rick tugged at me as he held Judith on his arms but i stayed there looking at my brother's dead body. "I-I can't?" Rick looked back and forth between me and the dead coming towards us, desperate. He needs a funeral. I kept repeating in my head. This wasn't the way he was suppose to go. None of us were suppose to lose eachother. But did he deserve it? I was then picked up by Daryl but i didn't want to, yet i did nothing about it. What was wrong with me? I was stuck in my mind, frozen on my actions and thoughts. I looked at every body on the ground and the fire destroying my pre-made life. Memories. We made it to the end of the street,stopped by a large ree truck. I was set down as Glenn, Maggie Abraham Rosita and Eugene stepped out of big red. "What's going on?" Rosita asked, confused. I wish i can explain myself. "No time. Just keep running." Rick demanded as he took my hand and all of us ran to find some place "safe" again.
That night has been replaying in my head. I can't tell if im a bad person or not. Days have multiple ways of going and ours is going in the wrong direction. There isn't such thing as improvement in this world anymore. All the hope, faith any of us ever held had dispersed in a short time. But some incidents, like Tyreese's, never bring it back for loved ones. Tyreese got bit on his arm while checking a house with Noah and Tara. The rest of us were trying to protect the kids or scavenge supplies since we were running extremely low. His death is playing an enormous toll on Sasha.
As i walk with baby Judith in my arms, Carl and Rick next to me, i look at Sasha. All of us tried to talk to her, protect her and bring her up from her depression but everytime, my name is brought upon her lips. She blames me for her brother's death. She thinks I'm some sort of monster. She doesn't get that it affects the entire group. We're all family here. "Am i that bad of a person?" I stare blankly ahead of me. With Rick being passionate, he rests his arm around my waist while the other carries Judith. I wait for response but i assume i am. "You're not. Right now, it's just hard on every one." He squeezes my side. "That's not what I'm asking Rick." His response isn't the response i wanted to hear. He lets out a sigh. "You loved him right?" I bite the inside of my cheeks. "I did." "Did you feel anything...when he died and the moments he was alive after what he's done?" He looks at me. "I-" "And I'm not talking about hatred..." He trails me off, how in this forsaken world could i have forgotten? My hands got sweaty and I can tell he can notice that his answer to his question isn't a good one. "I-I did." I stutter, now letting it hit me. "But..." His eyes raise in confusion. His hand interlocking with mine. "I felt numb Rick. I loved him even after what he did. I loved him at that moment but i couldn't cry. I just couldn't feel anything." My voice trailed off as a tear had escaped my eye. I was crying for myself, not him. Then i felt a kiss planted on my left hand. His beard tickled. Then a smaller pair of lips did. As i look up, Judith is now playing with my fingers. His blue eyes connect with mine. "Then no. You're not a bad person Iris."
~
"Sasha, stay back. The rest of this will handle it." Maggie reassures Sasha as a few walkers spotted us. I grip onto my machete tight then turn around to check with Carol holding Judith and Carl until he walks up to me. "What are you doing Carl?" Rick's voice stern. "I'm tired of staying back and not doing anything. I don't want anyone to get hurt anymore than we already are." Smiling, i mess up his hair a bit. I love this kid as if he was my own. Sasha continues to lift up the heavy end of her gun. In her state, she shouldn't be handling one. "Sasha..." i place a hand on her shoulder. "Don't touch me!" She yells. "You should relax. You're tired and you need it." I reassure, holding in the anger inside me. "She's right." Glenn says behind me. "The girl who got my brother killed...is right? Who got us all here, is right? For going crazy inside her own house-" "That's enough!" Abraham interrupts, saving my ass. I know it wasn't my fault but now hearing it and even feeling it all the time, the guilt is starting to build on me. "No using your guns, conserve your ammo. You take one at a time, no more. Control yourselves." With his presence next to me and Carl on the other, we take out a few walkers. I go up to one who's jaw is hanging open. Deteriorated skin peeling off. It's eye ball flowing freely out of his eye like you see on thise novelty glasses. Sinking my hand into it's shoulder, my machete goes through the master mind behind their control.
Cold arms press against my shoulder. "Shit" i call out, struggling to remove it. "Iris!" Rick runs to me, and arrow flies past me but Carl makes his move, pushing the walker down and stabbing it in the brain. He's getting better and better as we live. "Thanks." I side hug him and peck Rick on the cheek. Carl has the biggest smile to us both. He can defend himself no doubt. A romantic date i guess on Rick's part. i nod my head at Daryl, thanking him for trying. We turn around and take notice Sasha is going nuts. Walker after walker. "Sasha!" I call out. We all run to her, pushing walkers out of the way. "What are you doing?! I've got this!" She yells directly in Rick's face. That was the last walker. Everyone's face, tired by everything that has happened. She looks at me, ready yo say something. "I didn't kill your damn brother!" I raised my voice, loud enough for the whole dead world to hear me. "Did you ever come to realize, i lost my son. We all lost Tyreese. He took care of my daughter! He was family Sasha!" Rick stares at me taking notice i said daughter. She may not be a blood daughter but she sure is one. A little smirk appears on his face. I go back to Sasha. "I wish i could have done better. To prevent things from happening. Hell, i wish i knew the future but i can't!" I tone down my voice. "I'm not God."
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Officer Blue (Rick Grimes FF)
Fanfiction25 year old Iris, has not seen a human since the 3 years she's been alone. It is until then she discovers that it's better for herself. She has secrets that need to be hidden and that's what separates her from the rest of everyone else. She may...
