Officer Blue (Rick Grimes FF)

Chapter 19- Adrian

    "Who do you think did this?" Carl and I walk to our cell block first. "I'm not sure. I can't say anything until i have enough evidence." Another silence surpasses us. I can't  help thinking why is he with me if he doesn't want me to be with his father?

People sit down in their cells or in just the blocks. Little kids play together as the adults watch.  Carl is almost an exact replica of Rick.  Always trying to persuade people.  Always trying to do what's best for everyone. 

"Come on, let's move to the library." Being around Carl just makes me question even more. Questioning about why he's with me.  I thought he hated me. "So you and my dad were-" we don't stop, we continue to walk. "Let's not talk about it." My voice almost cracks.

"Why not? I just want to know  if he-"

"Carl, what ever your dad and i had, it stopped. It's better that way don't you think?" I didn't mean for it to come out harsh.  "I just want to know. It's just so hard to see. After my mom, and Judy looking up to someone as a new  mom." "Carl." The word mom hits me. "We should be doing what we came here to do."  I can't talk about Rick. I can't talk about motherhood.  None of that.  So we head into the library.

~

At breakfast, Carl gives me the silence treatement but gives me occasional glances.  I'm tired of this.  "If you have something to say Carl, say it. You're  a grown kid." He opens his mouth slightly to say something but doesn't.

Although it may be frustrating  being around someone who is mad at you, i take a pea and flick it at him to brighten  the moment.  A smile forms on his lips but soon fades.

"Are you faking now?" I flick another.  It's probably not a good idea though wasting food. 

I stare at my own food thinking of what carl was trying to talk about earlier. 

"Carl....if you have anything you want to say to me, you can.  I know i stopped you earlier. Just lay it on me." I really hope that makes him feel better. Holding in all that stress isn't healthy.

Finally, he gives up the quiet game.

"It's just hard you know? I worry for my dad alot. And i mean alot. Thats why i always want to go with him in runs and hunts."  He plays with his food.  "I don't want his attention to drop away from Judy and I.   And Judy...she won't ever know her mom."

"Carl, your dad loves you both and nothing will get in his way of that.  A parent never once has a child off of their mind.  I know that for sure. And as for Judith, she has you and your dad. She came from your mother so your mom is still apart of her." He smiles then hugs me from the side.

"You're  a good kid Carl."

"Wait, how do you know what a parent feels like?

I stare at him will all the memories flushing my mind. Of my son. He was only a kid gone too young. Carl stares at me confused as i don't answer but it finally clicks in his head.

"You had a kid?" "What was his name?" Questions start to pop from Carl's mouth, not stopping.

Getting up, i take our plates to one of the dish washers, Carrie. I know i shouldn't leave Carl hanging a thousand questions from the tip of his tongue. Sitting back down, i let him ask again.

"His name was Adrian. Four years old, hyper and definitely not shy." I laugh remembering those memories. 

"Where is the guy now then if you had a kid?" My chest tightens as i let my secret of my family out.  Having a sensitive side in this world doesn't help anymore. 

"His dad's name was Zach.  He passed away by a drunk driver." I remember seeing that drunk driver in the hospital.  He just looked at me with fear.   He was a teen, begging for forgiveness. He was only starting life and alcohol killed it. 

"W-what happened to Adrian?...you don't have to answer it's okay."

I answer trying not to choke on the tears that are falling down. "He uh got grabbed by a walker...we were at a store and i told him to stay right behind me. I mean he listened but i was too late when a walker grabbed him from me..." my heart aches in pain. I wish it was me.

In that moment, Rick shows up in front of us taking notice that I was crying.  "Everything okay here?"

Carl sits on the other side.

"Just sharing the past." Lying became my specialty.

"Have you told him?"  My eyes widen looking at Carl. Rick can't  know.

"Told me what?" Rick gets more interested.  The thing about Rick, if you're trying to hide something, he'll figure it out sooner or later.

Cark suddenly realizes he is the first person to know. I sit in shock.  How do I get out of this? I look back and forth at Rick and Carl. 

"Nothing. We're just messing with you dad." Rick looks at me as if what Carl said is true. "Yeah, alright...you guys find anything in there?"  chuckling at Carl he gives me a real smile.

  "People are together either in two or in groups.  Everything seems fine for now. How are the fences holding up?" I block my eyes from the sun, squinting at Rick.  He's covered in dirt, Drenched in sweat and blood.  Yet he still has the ability to pull it off.

"Carl can you stay with Hershel for a few minutes? I have to talk to Iris about a few things." I freeze at the sound of my name.

What is there to talk about?