Kairos

Chapter 18

A shipwrecking has the monstrous, mind-numbing terror of a major earthquake. One moment there is normality then comes the lurching and rending, the cries, the desperate, hysterical courage and the incomprehension. Total chaos. I couldn't tell which boats were Antony's and which were Octavian's in the absolute pandemonium. The noise was deafening as ships rammed into each other, in a display that went against anything I had previously known about boats. The iron tipped ram fitted to the bow of our ship bit into the wooden flesh of the unfortunate trireme in front, water surged eagerly into the gap. Our port crashed into their starboard side on the crest of a wave from another ship sinking. Screams entered the air as the oars splintered and snapped against the side. I winced at the thought of the poor rowers likely impaled by the fore of the broken oars. I didn't know how our own rowers faired and half expected to sink at any time, hear that dreadful moan of wood bending. But suddenly we were shooting forward again.

In the blur of movements, I made out the purple sails of Cleopatra's ships sailing out of the bay. Thank god, now Antony would follow, and we would surrender, and it would all be ok. Except nothing was changing. The ship tilted dangerously to the side as a trireme hit us. I slammed into the opposite railing and very nearly tipped into the furiously frothing water below. The soldiers on our ship released a volley of arrows but how much use they were from such an unsteady base I couldn't tell.

My hair whipped around my face, blurring my vision further.

Why hadn't someone opened the ravens? What was going on? Surely Antony was supposed to flee now?

Waiting for someone.

Waiting for...

Me?

What if I was the one who was meant to open the box? What if it were me who sent Antony running? It was like the end of a detective novel, where everything ties together neatly into a bow, except it was more like a mess of knots. I know everything, I could change everything.

I always could.

Memories flooded through my mind, telling Antony about the pass, warning Hektor in an un-Andromache fashion, opening the cage of ravens...and I realised.

I always have.

I've been influencing history this whole time!

With that thought in mind, I flung myself towards the cage, slamming into the Captain's cabin door and steading myself. I fumbled with the latch, my numb fingers slipping on the small clasp. We hit another ship and I fell forward, smacking my nose painfully on the wooden centre. Blinking past the tears I pulled myself back to the cage, bracing my legs.

It came apart with a click and I collapsed back as the ravens soared out, like a cloud of darkness.

In the distance I heard a horn sound which I hoped was Antony's. A few ships followed Cleopatra's path, but I couldn't tell if they were his or Octavian's that were hunting the foreign queen down.

Our ship seemed to be turning, thank god. A soldier saw what I had done and hurtled towards me, anger on his features and a dagger in his hands.

Fear shot through my veins but I dodged his swipe and shoved him as hard as I could. He screamed as he fell overboard.

You know what? I don't bloody need Antony or Apollo or anyone else to save me. I can save myself! The world wasn't made for the weak and being strong was essential to survive. You had to be willing to do what it took and god forbid I was fucking willing. I will survive.

The realisation that I took my first life doesn't stun me like it should. Maybe I should be filled with horror and revulsion at killing another human being. But I don't. I'm definitely not the hero of this story, but I sure as shit am not the villain either.

Death happens every day, I've been through four wars, trust me I know. Life is so easy to snuff out. I'm starting to understand the gods' hatred towards mortals.

I may not be rich, powerful or beautiful, but I am something better. I'm a survivor, and I am taking control of my life instead of sitting passively by, waiting for things to get better, too afraid to rock the boat and disrupt time.

The wind was violently stolen from my lungs as a chest zoomed across the deck and knocked into me. I stumbled backwards and my feet slipped out from under me. The hard wooden railing smashed into my back and I made a desperate grab for it, but momentum carried me backwards and then I was falling.

I barely had time to suck in a breath before I was plunged into the icy water. The cold stunned me into paralysis and then my lungs protested and I started to swim upwards.

Suddenly a dark shadow passed over and I pushed downwards just in time as a ship passed over my head, oars slicing through the water frantically. The drag of the ship carried me unapologetically with it, head over heels. I couldn't get my bearings, couldn't tell which way was up as the salt water stung my eyes.

My head pounded as my lungs screamed that I needed air. My hands made contact with the pebbly bottom and I pushed off it as hard as I could, panic fuelling my movements. I swam and swam, and my head breached the surface. I sucked in a breath of unforgiving salt water as a nearby oar sent a wave splashing towards me. I spluttered as I went under again, black spots splurging across my vision. I had never known true fear until that moment.

And I hated it! Hated that I had no control, again. Was I doomed to be a person dependent on others?

Help!

Apollo, anyone help!

But I was met with silence.

I was desperate, blood a fire in my veins, each weakened pump of my heart agony. I couldn't feel my hands or feet. I made one last attempt up to the surface. Only for a massive blurry shape to approach me. I briefly recognised it as a trireme that had been sunk but as it approached me, with little black figures jumping out, my vision turned blank and I welcomed the darkness.