Star Wars: Apparitions -- Scenes from The Last Jedi

Chapter 3 - A Mutual Agreement

When her lesson was over, Rey stalked away frustrated. She hadn't been able to focus on Luke's teaching— and she hadn't slept at all the previous night. Every time she blinked, she saw Kylo's dark eyes, burned into her vision, and his low, silky voice kept echoing through her ears:

Yes, I am.

For some reason, she hadn't been able to forget about it; not for the whole day after she'd seen him and not for the whole night either. The longer she'd lain awake, the more a strange, phantom feeling of what seemed to be loneliness had settled over her. Loneliness wasn't unfamiliar to her— she'd felt it more nights than not during her life on Jakku. But this feeling was... different. She couldn't label it— not with all the time in the galaxy— but she knew she felt it every time Kylo Ren's dark eyes came back to haunt her.

Rey edged down the steep path to the jut of rock where she'd been practicing with her lightsaber. She was afraid to take it near grass; the blade was always hot, and she wasn't sure if wet grass was still flammable.

She removed the silver hilt from her satchel and stepped out onto the sunbaked stone. She rolled the saber around in her hand until she found the button to turn it on. It hummed to life in her hands, the pale blue light dazzling her, burning white streaks into her vision.

At least she had something else to see when she blinked...

She was turning the hilt around and around in her hands, looking for the right place for her hands to sit without clashing against all the ridges of the metal, or with each other, and wondering how exactly she'd done it before, when the world went silent around her.

Rey whipped around at the same time Kylo did, and they locked eyes immediately. Rey opened her mouth and faltered.

"Go away," she eventually muttered. "I'm busy."

Kylo nodded slowly.

"You're holding that wrong," he said, gesturing to her saber.

Rey huffed. "I know," she snapped. "I'm working on it."

She turned her back on him and kept adjusting her grip. Kylo didn't offer any more input, but Rey could feel him watching her. She gritted her teeth in frustration.

Why wouldn't it work the way it had in the forest?

"Fine," she sighed, hoping he could somehow feel her contemptuous glare when she wasn't looking at him. "How do I need to hold it?

"Try just one hand," Kylo suggested. "That's how you used it before."

His voice shadowed.

Rey's jaw tightened, but she reluctantly let her left hand fall, and then it only took a few turns for her right hand to fall into a comfortable place.

"You know," she said, not turning around, "if I'd been more powerful then, I would have killed you."

Kylo gave a low, bitter laugh.

"Oh really?" he said. "More power? That's what would have gotten you to kill me?"

"What do you mean?" 

"You couldn't have killed me even if you had been trained."

"And why is that?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

Rey huffed. "You're impossible. Go away."

"No. Answer me first."

"Answer what?"

"Why didn't you kill me?" His voice was fierce but far more curious than cruel. "It wasn't from lack of talent."

Rey wondered briefly if that had been a compliment, then remembered she was supposed to be angry. But... she wasn't as angry as she needed to be.

"I... don't know," she muttered truthfully. She swallowed, staring at the ground. "If you had been... in my position... would you have killed me?"

"If you could kill me now, would you?" Kylo countered.

"Yes," Rey snapped, without hesitation. "And you didn't answer my question."

"Would I have killed you? Of course."

He said it so casually...

"And..." Rey hesitated, watching her feet, "you would kill me now, if... you know...?"

"Yes."

Rey couldn't help but lift her eyes to his then, and she found the same expression in his eyes that had haunted her all day, where his eyes hid the truth he couldn't speak. She wondered where his mask had gone...

They didn't break eye contact for a long moment.

"Looks like we're on the same page, then," Rey finally muttered, pushing hair out of her face and blinking rapidly, as though emerging from a trance.

Kylo nodded. "We are."

"Good," Rey said shortly. "Bye."

She strode past Kylo to collect her satchel. The world remained silent while she did so, but when she turned around to glance at Kylo one last time, the sounds came crashing back, and he was gone.