trapped // hwang hyunjin ✔️

chapter thirty-one

chance after chance

choi luna

"i just... do you have any idea how sorry i am? cause god i am so fucking sorry..." he stares at me, waiting for my reaction, but i didn't know what to do or say. "i mean, the minute you left my room everything came crashing down. it's like i wasn't myself, i don't even know what happened... and then i heard you sobbing in your room but your door was locked, and you wouldn't text me back..." tears began to stream down his face. "and our friends kept asking me how you were doing... i wanted to tell them that i broke you, that they needed to come and get you, because i didn't deserve to be around you. but i'm selfish. i'm so fucking selfish, i told them all you were okay, i lied to their faces." at this point, he's sobbing.

i don't know when it happened, but my own cheeks were wet with tears as well.

"i've had a lot of time to think... and now i just... i don't care if you never move back in with me, i don't care if you never give me another chance. i just want you to know how sorry i am, truly." he takes a step closer to me, but this time i don't move back. "i just want you to forgive me. i need you to forgive me. we don't even have to be friends anymore, but i can't live with myself if you never forgive me... and i know i have no right to ask for anything from you, but i will do anything to make sure you forgive me." he lightly takes my hand in his, i flinch slightly at his touch and i can see him cry a little harder. probably hating that i flinch at his touch now.

"you have it all wrong, hyunjin." i respond, my voice coming out raspy. "i want to be your friend, i want to live with you in our silly little apartment, and i want to give you another chance. but it's going to be so hard for me to forgive you. you broke every ounce of trust, destroyed every year of friendship. i don't even know what it'll take for me to forgive you, but it's going to take some time..."

"anything luna... i'll literally do anything."

"i need space. you're occupying my mind all day, every day. i need to clear my head, and think about what i truly want. that means no texting, calling, asking someone to see how i'm doing. i need complete space." i surprise myself with the authority in my voice, and i was proud that i was able to set such a strict boundary. something i don't think i could have done had i not had the silent support of chan.

"done." he replies instantly, letting go of my hands and backing away. "you come to me when you're ready, i'll wait. as long as it takes." he sniffles. i wanted to ask him to kiss me, i craved his lips on mine. but i knew that would only make things harder.

"t-take care of yourself..." i stutter, my eyes landing on his lips.

"you too..." he cries. i rip my gaze from his lips and avoid his eyes. i had to leave now or this was only going to be more painful. it felt like we were breaking up, yet we were never together. every ounce of me wanted to run into his arms and forgive and forget everything. but i knew that wasn't healthy, and it would only make it easier for him to do it again. if we were going to do this right, we would have to play the long game.

so much to my heart's protest, i turned on my heels and walked back to chan's car, trying to ignore the broken sobs that came from my best friend. it felt good to know that he was truly messed up from this situation, and i know that sounds selfish and awful, but it was good to see him hurting so much after all i've been through. chan, who was leaning on the hood of his car, quickly pushes himself off of it and opens the passenger door for me.

"are you okay?" he asks, buckling me in.

"no." i answer truthfully. "but i think i will be." i smile, my first genuine smile in what felt like forever.

"i'm proud of you." he praises, placing a soft kiss on my temple before shutting my door and running over to the drivers side. "so what comes next?" he asks, starting his car up.

what was next?

do i forget about hyunjin, and try to go back to living a normal life?

but i couldn't forget about him. i never could.

how long did i need to stay away from him?

i dont knew i couldn't do it forever.

i know i needed to clear my head. give myself some time to think about, and adjust to everything that has happened. from the moment it started. the day he slept with bri. the day i had foolishly believed that he had no clue who she was. that's when it started. that's where i needed to start.

"can you call changbin?" i finally respond. he nods, instantly going to his contact and pressing the call button. i love that he didn't ask me too many questions, as if he trusted me. it felt nice to know someone did. as changbin answers, he puts the phone on speaker.

"hello?"

"changbin, it's luna."

"hey, you doing okay?"

"not really, but that's not why i wanted to talk."

"what's up then?"

i take a deep breath. this won't be easy. as much as hyunjin hurt me, he caused me to hurt people around me. one of those people was bri. i hadn't given her a chance to explain, and when i did, i was quick to believe hyunjin's word over hers. of course it only made sense as i had known hyunjin for years, and bri for one night. but it was still wrong of me to shut her out like that. i needed to right all of my wrongs, even if it hurt my ego.

"do you know where bri lives?"

"i do."

"will you send over her address."

"i will."