trapped // hwang hyunjin ✔️

chapter thirty-three

the one i had to let go

choi luna

i smiled at his sleeping form. jeongin didn't wake up when i knocked on his door, so chan used his spare key to let me in. it was just a little after three in the morning, i was feeling tired, but i needed to get everything off my chest if i wanted to sleep well. i place my hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly.

"jeongin..." i whisper. he shifts for a moment before slowly opening his eyes.

"luna?" his voice was deep with sleep. "am i dreaming?" i laugh.

"no, i'm really here." i suddenly felt like crying, he was way too good for me.

"did something happen? are you okay?" he seemed more awake now.

"everything is fine... i just wanted to talk to you." i couldn't help but frown, and i could tell jeongin picked up on my mood instantly.

"oh... is this about you and hyunjin?" he asks.

"it's more about me and you." i reply sadly.

"oh..."

"do you... do you have feelings for me?" i ask, swallowing back the tears that threatened to fall. i already had an idea that he did, but he'd never outright said it, and i needed to hear it for sure.

"i do." he responds and i drop my head down.

"you're an amazing guy. really."

"but, you don't feel the same." he lifts my chin up with a finger. an action that allows a few tears to fall as i shake my head. he sighs.

"you don't know how bad i wanted it to be you." i start. "how bad i wished my heart would flutter at the mention of your name. you're the better guy. i wanted it to be you, i still want it to be you..." i pause to breathe.

"but it's not me." he wipes a few of my tears away, not meeting my eyes.

"it never was... and i'm sorry..." i tell him. he shakes his head.

"don't be sorry."

"no, i should have pushed you away the moment i-"

"you couldn't have pushed me away. i wasn't going anywhere."

"but jeongin..."

"i knew what i was getting into when i decided to go after you. i knew you had feelings for hyunjin. i knew it was unlikely that you would ever reciprocate my feelings." he finally meets my gaze.

"then why did you-"

"because it was worth a shot. you are worth the risk. i didn't want to have the regrets of never telling you how i feel, or never at least trying to win you over. i wanted to try."

"i don't deserve you..." i cry.

"don't say things like that." he pulls me further into his bed, his arms wrapped around my shoulders.

"i hate that i did this to you. all the hurt hyunjin put me through, i put other people through the same thing."

"you didn't put me through anything. i put myself here." he coaxes. "but i just... i need to hear you say it... or i won't believe it." his voice cracks slightly.

"i don't-"

"just say it." i look away. taking in a deep breath. he pulls my chin back towards him, his gaze nearly suffocating me.

"i... i love hyunjin..." he studies my face for a moment, as if he was trying to see if i was telling the truth. eventually he looks away from me, clenching his jaw.

"even after what he did to you?" he doesn't look at me.

"yes. i still love him." i answer honestly. jeongin gulps.

"thank you for being honest."

"i'm sorry..."

"you can't help who you fall in love with. but... i do have one request."

"what is it?" i ask.

"be careful. don't let him walk all over you ever again."

"he won't. i won't let him." i reassure him. he finally looks back at me.

"good."

"can i... can i make a request for you too?" i ask, he nods. "promise me that you'll find someone as amazing as you are. don't settle for anything less." he laughs.

"i've already found you..." his hand comes up to caress my jaw. i wanted so badly to feel butterflies from his touch, but i felt nothing. "there's no one better than you, hyunjin doesn't realize how lucky he is. so you make sure he realizes it. cause if he ever lets you go i'll be first in line." his other hand also cupping my jaw.

"jeongin..."

"i know... i just... at least i can say that i tried, right?" a sad smile takes over his face. my heart hurt for him, but he had to know the truth.

"god i wish it was you..." i drop my head, chuckling as a few more tears fell.

"me too." he whispers. i pull my head back up to rest my forehead on his.

"friends?" i ask. he chuckles.

"friends." he replies. his hand back on my jaw. i look down to his lips, slightly more plump as he had been biting on them. i could tell he was looking at mine as well, our faces were slowly getting closer. i quickly came to my senses and backed away just slightly, earning a chuckle from him. he turns my chin to the side, then places a lingering kiss on my cheek. holding his lips there for a few extra moments. "in another life, choi luna." he whispers.

"in another life... yang jeongin." i reply, dropping my head to the crook of his neck as the both of us began to cry.

-

"that took a while... are you okay?" chan asks as i sit in his car. tears still rolling down my face. i had waited for jeongin to fall back asleep before leaving.

"no." i reply, wiping the tears from my cheeks. he nods.

"let's go home then, yeah?" he tilts his head at me. i nod.

"do you think he'll hate me?" i ask.

"jeongin? no. he could never hate you. he knew what he was getting himself into."

"i would hate me if i were him." i frown.

"jeongin doesn't have hate in any part of his body. that's not who he is." chan shakes his head.

"he's too good for this world."

"you and him are alike in that sense. you both constantly give to someone who isn't giving anything back."

"i've really been an asshole to him, haven't i?" chan laughs.

"not at all. let's just go home." i nod as chan starts the car, carefully backing out of jeongin's driveway. as the sun began to rise, i felt the tiredness kicking in. i lazily laid my head against the window, allowing my eyes to close. a chapter of my life was ending, and i was eager, yet fearful to see what the next chapter held for me.