"shh..." he whispered. his hand caressed the back of my head, playing with my hair.
it was a bit windy since we were on the rooftop of our building. i could feel him resting his chin on the top of my head since he was now too tall to even rest his head on my shoulder.
i sniffled for the last time before calming down. i was so exhausted from crying. when i pulled back, i noticed a wet patch on his uniform.
"sorry." i apologized quietly.
he just shook his head, "you've done worse."
i slightly smiled before staring at him. his hair was so different. he was different.
i scanned his whole being and i wondered if it was really him.
i was so focused on him, that i forgot about myself. i quickly turned around without a second thought. i was a bit self conscious about my new appearance.
"i really did think you were dead." i muttered.
there was no response.
i just kept going, "you were dead to me, jungwon..." the words came out of my mouth like water, but what did i mean by it?
it hurt me when i said it. this was me basically saying, that i had accepted the thought of him being dead this whole time.
i was only admitting it now.
"so no... i really didn't have hope." i told him as i turned around to face him again.
he looked at me with a blank expression, waiting for me to continue.
but all i did was force a smile. a weak one. "i mean.. look at me."
right there, it looked like his heart just shattered. it hurt me the most. how could i do that?
how could i be doing this to him?
he looked down, hands curling into fists. "it's the same for me, hisano." he paused, "if i were to lose you, i'd lose myself."
then, his hand made its way to where his heart is. "believe me. i might be here physically, but you were partly right."
he let out a short breath, tears threatening to fall out, "i was dead up until the moment i saw you again."
how was i supposed to react..?
those words coming out of his mouth made me feel so weak. i could only crouch down as i covered my face with my hands.
he crouched down as well. he was always trying to be at the same eye level as me.
he was always trying to look at me...
he looked at me as if in just one blink, i'd disappear from his sight.
it made me feel a bit embarrassed.
i felt his hand move towards me. he removed my hands from covering my face. i didn't look at him. for some reason, i was too humiliated to do so.
but then, he gently held and lifted my chin. his face came closer and i just knew...
i shut my eyes out of habit, but nothing came.
his hand was still there, so i opened my eyes to only see his face up close. he was looking down at me with heavy lidded eyes before glancing at my lips.
"i'm not going to kiss you anymore if you don't let me." he quietly said as he let go, but before he could back away any further, i got ahold of his shirt.
i pulled him back and forced a kiss on him. i didn't mean for it to be aggressive, but i felt like this was the only chance i could do it. i didn't want him to slip away from my fingers just like that.
