safe & sound: an everlark story

eleven

it's late august now, and peeta and i are packing to go visit my mom in district seven. she says it rains a lot, so pack nothing summer-y.

we leave tomorrow afternoon.

i'm scared.

"peeta?" i say as i'm sitting there, watching him put his clothes into his bag.

"yeah?"

"can i ask you a question?" i say quietly, "you don't have to answer."

"hit me." he says, sitting down beside me and looking at me. i don't look back at him though.

"what's it like? to have no family left." i ask.

peeta lost all his family, and i lost all but one. i'm guessing that one makes a huge difference.

i hear him breathe in deeply. i feel bad for asking him.

"it won't be the same for both of us." he finally says, putting his hand on my knee to comfort me. i look up at him, as if to ask 'why?' "you know how my parents were."

i feel a huge wave of guilt hit my chest.

"sorry." i say, "i shou-"

"no. no. it's okay." he cuts me off, putting his arm around me. "if this is something you want to talk about, let's talk."

"okay." i nod.

"i lost my family all at once." he starts, "but i imagine after you loose your mom, the world will start to feel a lot lonelier." i don't know what to say so i just keep my eyes down, allowing him to rub my back and comfort me as i try not to break. "all i have left is you."

"peeta what if one day you leave me too?"

"i am never going to leave you." he whispers, kissing my head. "never."

"i don't want to grieve all over again. it was so hard with my dad, and then prim-i just don't know if i'll be able to do it again."

"you're grieving her already katniss, and you're still here and going." he says, "you'll have me the whole time. i'm sorry that you have to, but i know that you can."

i look up at peeta and we catch eachother's eyes. i try and read them. he looks hurt, but he always does such a good job holding it in. i'm afraid to know the pain he holds in his chest. i know this conversation is hard on him, as to why he never talks about his family.

"peeta im so sorry about what happened to your family." i say, for what i think is the first time ever. i've always wanted to, but i knew how sensitive he's been about the topic. the sensitivity is still there i guess, because he's biting his lip to hold back his tears and shakey breath. i cup his face with both my hands and look at him, forcing him to look back at me. "it's okay to cry."

peeta drops his head and releases the tears welling in his eyes.

"no one ever said that to me." he mumbles.

i start crying too. i cant help it. we hold eachother as we cry. each of us crying for not only our lost families but eachother.

"i'm sorry i didn't say it sooner." i whisper.

——

although i've only seen my mom a month ago, she looks much different. much sicker.

peeta and i knock on her door with our bags in our hands, and she doesn't open it. instead she yells that it's open and we exchange looks before opening the door. her home is small and smells like vanilla and grape medicine at the same time.

i follow her voice to the living room and see her there, smiling. she's much skinnier, weaker, and her hair looks quite thin now too.

"you made it!" she smiles.