Unbroken

Wednesday, Week 1 (3)

Harry POV

Hermione is just out the door before I break down into tears. It's been months, close to a year, since I've truly broken down over the circumstances that could only befall me. I've tried multiple times to come to a tenuous acceptance of everything and I thought I came close until today happened. I lied through my teeth to her and did everything I could to protect Ron all so that I could keep her from remembering what we shared in those blissful months on the run.

I remember the day like yesterday; it was the day that I knew for certain that Voldemort was right. On his deathbed, he warned me that my life was doomed to an endless suffering like he was. He warned me that I was no different than him, that I was no better than him. I foolishly defied him only to see his words come to fruition soon after.

Flashback

"Is there nothing you can do?" I heard myself vehemently beg to Hermione's healer, Kelsey Fletcher. She was the best thing I could have asked for in this trying time and her care for Hermione was second to none. Now, however, I was disappointed at her being unable to heal my Hermione.

"Harry, the circumstances—the damage—to her mind is far too great. Whoever casted the spell clearly wanted to make sure she would never remember these events," Kelsey gravely told me.

My heart sank but I still tried to find some way, any way, that could help Hermione remember our time together. Losing her was one thing but her never remembering what we shared would destroy me. It would always fill me with a sense of 'what if.' What if she never forgot? What if she still loved me? I can't bear the thought of it.

"There must be some way, I can't," I sobbed hard and covered my face into my hands, "I can't lose her like this."

Kelsey put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently. I appreciate the moment of comfort but I feel like dying. I feel like I could, I should, point my wand to my temple and blow my brains into the wall. I can't breathe, my lungs feel like they're being pressed down by a hippogriff and there's this weight on my chest that I know will be a permanent fixture.

"Harry, there's nothing we can do. All we can hope is that, in time, she'll remember herself. But until then, even trying to help her would cause irreparable damage to her mind."

I was certain that I had died inside at those words. Something in me withered and I knew I was never going to get it back. I tried to plead and beg to anyone who would listen but I gave up. I accepted that I had lost. I accepted that I wasn't worthy of being happy.

Kelsey left the room and I was now alone with nothing but my thoughts and the feeling of betrayal and hurt left by the God who saw fit to punish me this way. Robotically, my mouth opened and I began talking to him.

"Hey God, it's me, Harry Potter. I realize that I've never prayed or really ever spoken to you before but there's a first time for everything." The cold chuckle that erupts from me surprised me a bit but I felt the bitterness rise within me. I shuddered as my tears soak into my face, searing themselves into it. "I guess...I just want to know why? Why is it me that has to endure all of this? Why do I get to be your personal plaything? Is there no one else you can enjoy punishing like this?" I broke down at that last part and yelled as my weeping became more forceful, more mentally destructive.

No answers came from God but I kept talking anyway.

"Okay, you don't want to answer that? That's fine." I hoped by placating Him and telling Him that it was okay to ignore me would make him feel better about granting my next wish.

"Then can I just ask you to take a break from me? I'm sure there's others who deserve it more than me. I'm not even asking for a lot, honest. Maybe ten or twenty years ought to suffice. That's not a long time for you right?"