Scars

Part 8

"I almost thought you were locked down in the restaurant and couldn't get out! Isn't it a bit dangerous for you to walk alone at night ,at this hour?"
-"Thanks for your concern Yoongi, but I am a big girl. I can take care of myself."
-I just think that's a very real risk of being attacked by someone especially at this hour. It's really unsafe for a woman as pretty as you to walk alone anywhere if you ask me! " His eyes were dark as they scanned over me from head to toe and I was secretly wondering if he was thinking at me the way I hoped to. I really wanted him to miss me like crazy and make him suffer at least just a little bit. I tried to remain calm even though my heart was beating so fast and my knees were trembling. Now was my chance to act like I didn't care and maybe he would stop coming around when I least expected him.
He used to receive my attention quickly while we were dating but now I just needed to cut down the conversation and get home as soon as possible.
"Are you suggesting that I need company to protect me Yoongi? I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions and do not need company or a man to take care of me. Despite your opinion, women can indeed take care of themselves! Not all the things revolve around men!"
I was ready to open the door of my car as Yoongi's hand took my wrist. In one swift moment, so fast that I couldn't even register what was happening, I was trapped between my car and Yoongi's chest.
His dark gaze was fixed on my eyes first and then slowly moved to my lips.
"I have no doubts that you can take care of yourself baby! But you know very well that bad things can happen to good girls like you. It just takes a moment of carelessness and it may lead to fatal mistakes that can't be undone." My whole body went numb. A strange mixture of emotions made my body feel weak and paralyzed. He was so dangerously handsome with that raven hair partly covering his eyes. But what made me feel scared was his smile. His smile was scary and didn't reach his eyes. His eyes searched for mine but I was already shivering like a leaf in the wind and the only thing that kept me on my feet was Yoongi's arms. I couldn't look into his eyes anymore. He slowly curled his long fingers under my chin and lifted it up. He brushed his lips against mine. His voice was so raspy and deep while he whispered: "Are you scared princess? Since when do I make you feel like that?" I could sense the sarcasm in his voice and feel his smile against my lips. I started to feel so dizzy and I was trying to escape his embrace but he was way too strong. I was angry cause honestly all I wanted was to melt in his arms while he would assure me that everything would be okay. He was enjoying this, I always knew that he had a side that was very possessive and dominant. He never had anger issues, actually he's one of the calmest people I know. But from Yoongi it's enough just one look or one word to shut people down. His personality is so strong that he doesn't need to shout or scream. I couldn't help feeling scared and nervous when he behaved like that. Even while we were still together he was very overprotective and liked to control the things in my life. But he did that like a professional making me feel like it was actually my decision not his.
"Why would I be scared of you? Do I have reasons?"
"-Never princess!" He wasn't drunk but he was clearly tipsy. He changed his grip from my shoulders to my hips and he was now leaning over me, his face very close. Without a word his lips crushed against mine. A rush of adrenaline filled my veins and right in that moment all I knew was that I needed this kiss. It was fast,rough and full of anger. I am pretty sure that Yoongi doesn't love me but I know for sure that he developed an obsession for me and he's just coming back for more just to ignite this passion that he has. What was worse was that I secretly enjoyed this way too much. It wasn't healthy for any of us but it sure was worth it. My mind furiously was trying to bring back all the painful memories that I had with him but damn it the way he kissed was sweeping me off my feet. Yoongi's hand started to pull my hair even though the kiss was turning softer. I then woke up back to reality again like I was being shocked by electricity. I can't let him play with me like that. Yeah, it was okay to try to make him miss me and I guess it was understandable that being hurt by him so many times made me want to hurt him back at least just a little. I did know him extremely well and if I wanted to hurt him I could do it easily cause I knew all his weaknesses. But I'm not like that, I'm not like him. I can too play games with his mind cause I know that he does have a weakness for me but not in the way I wanted to. I want from him more than passion and desire, I want him to truly love me and understand me.
I took advantage of the fact that he wasn't expecting me to pull away from the kiss and used all my strength to get out of his embrace. I took him by surprise as I expected and I finally was able to open the door to my car. Yoongi was faster than me though and succeeded in stopping me from getting into the driver's seat.
"- I know you're mad, you have all the reasons in the world to be...but please let's meet and talk about...
I abruptly stopped him from talking as anger took over my mind. I was surprised to hear my own voice full of frustration and irritation: "About what?! About how egocentric and egotistical you are? About how you never listen to my concerns? About how you always neglected my feelings? How you disregarded my emotions when I told you clearly that it hurts so bad having doubts about your feelings for me? "
"-You are a smart girl Y/N! You know me so well that I find it extremely hard to believe that you really think I don't have feelings for you! You know damn well that I'm not good at expressing feelings. Guess what? Big shits happened in my life that left me broken inside. So baby I'm accustomed to keep everything inside me and be quiet. I have issues and you know that! But please stop talking nonsense! You know I feel safer if I hide my deepest feelings!"

"-Baby you've hidden your feelings for me so well that you forgot where you placed them. And by the way I really understand that the pain from the past changed you and made you overthink everything and doubt everything. But you can't shut down people who truly love you and use them as your stepping stone just to help you to move forward. I was perfect for you to boost your confidence and ego. That kind of fiancé that was putting you first, the good girl that looked at you like you're the star of the show. I'm sorry Yoongi but I was your fiancé not a groupie at one of your shows. I was just a comfort zone for you, that's all. Stop talking about feelings!"
He was clearly taken aback by my confidence and courage to speak the truth about how I feel. For the first time since I met him I was able to do the right thing and have the courage to confront him. I tried to talk to him about my feelings multiple times but he always changed the topic or simply didn't hear me. And when he did hear me he heard me wrong and never even bothered to try to understand what was wrong with me.