LOVER | YANG JUNGWON

What might've been...

2 years later

I grabbed an empty cardboard box that sat next to my legs surrounded by the other countless ones filled and ready to be taped.

I made my way to my small twin sized bed in the corner of my shared dorm. Folding the sheets and blankets that clothed the mattress. A small frown etched its way to my face as I looked at the pile of stuffed animals on my bed.

When I was leaving home to dorm in my new school I chose some of the more important plushies to take with me. One of them being the same soft bunny Jungwon had won for me the day we went to the amusement park.

The same one that has been my favorite since then. I quickly put it in the box along with the others. I took down the posters that were once hung on my childhood walls, the frames and knick-knacks I've had forever.

I took the packaging tape and closed it shut, wrapping it securely before labeling it with the closest writing ustensil I could find. I moved it next to the other boxes that contained nothing but my belongings.

I sat down on my now very naked looking bed and glanced at the bare walls and room. Well besides my roommates side, she claimed she would pack all her things when she came back from hanging out with her friends.

These were the last few days before we had to leave back home as the school year was over and class were no longer in session.

I played with the ring on my finger, the same one that he gave me the day in the library when he told me it looked better on me. And suddenly everything was a memory of him.

I dreaded going home this summer. Not because I didn't want to see my family, but because i'd be reminded by the many happy couples wandering the streets enjoying the youthful days. I'd be questioned about how i'm dealing with that fact that me and Jungwon are not together anymore.

There's nothing worse than that sentence repeating in my head every single day.

I debated whether or not to put all the things that reminded me of him in a box and store it away somewhere I would forget about it. Throwing it away would make me feel to guilty and regret later on. But I don't think I can just keep it on during a regular basis without being reminded about our breakup.

If you ask me how it happened I cant even answer that. It just happened out of nowhere.

But if i'm being completely honest I think it happened slowly throughout the year. Underneath my blind eye of love. I was too distracted to even notice that something was shifting between us.

What makes it hurt even more was that all of this could've been prevented. How it was no ones fault in particular, which means I also played a role in our separation.

The real reason was we grew apart from each other, as much as I hate it. Over time we became more distant. This caused so many unnecessary arguments or dry conversations.

We were too busy trying to focus on our studies and futures that we forgot we had a relationship to tend to. We didn't make enough time each other and that's where it all started going downhill.

Everything was fine at first, our last year of high school was probably the best year of my life. The golden period of us being together, he was the only thing that occupied my mind 24/7. I was scared but excited to become an adult and make my way in the world, experience new things.

Well I have, and so far it's shit.

By the beginning of our first semester at college we were still fine. Classes were easy, we would meet up on the weekends and have mini dates. We'd text or call throughout the rest of the week to keep the other updated or just talk.