Unspoken Words (Part 2 to Drunk Mistakes (on yt))

Part 10

Kai couldn't hide his feelings much longer, he sniffled but still tried to gulp down the growing lump in his throat. Kai nodded slightly, afraid to look at Lloyd.

Lloyd stared at Kai, his mouth still hanging open. Only when Kai risked a glance at him did Lloyd gulp and blink.

"Is... isn't that like... sexual assault...?" Lloyd asked in a hushed voice as if saying it was bad enough. Kai hesitated in thought.

"I... I don't know," He eventually mumbled back. Lloyd noticed how much Kai was shaking, he looked like he was freezing to death, but it was actually getting quite hot in the room.

Kai kept thinking about it and it just made things worse.

If Lloyd considers what they did to me sexual assault... God, what I did to him...

Kai let a sob slip and the sound brought Lloyd back from his rushing mind. He drew his breath as he saw Kai wipe his eyes.

"I'm sorry... I'm-- I'm so so sorry, Lloyd..." Kai's voice was slightly muffled by his hands, trying to cover up his scrunched face. Lloyd was taken aback.

"Sorry...? Sorry-- Sorry for what?" Lloyd quickly asked. He spun himself around and moved closer to Kai so he could talk to him better.

"I'm sorry for hurting you... For-- For getting us into this whole situation in the first place..." Kai hiccoughed and held his head in his hands. Lloyd felt his heart grow heavy, he'd never seen Kai so devastated. "It was your first party, for fuck's sake... and-- and I took your fucking virginity, Lloyd," Kai strained, turning his head to look at Lloyd through his teary eyes. Lloyd seemed to have the same expression as before; fear overwritten with concern, worry, and care.

"I..." Lloyd had been bursting with words for the past 4 weeks, but yet he found he had no idea what to say.

"I'm so sorry... it's all my fault..." Kai spoke with the last little bit of voice he had left and then seemed to hold his breath.

Lloyd looked over Kai. Taking a deep breath, he hugged Kai. Kai's breath caught in his throat.

"It's ok," Lloyd whispered, feeling his own throat close up.

"It's really not..." Kai whispered back, only slightly reciprocating the hug. Lloyd only hugged tighter.

"But I'm ok with it," Lloyd quickly said. Kai's head spun from that. "And-- And the both of us need to be ok with it for us to be able to move on..." Even though Lloyd would've preferred it to change something between them, he knew right now wasn't a good time to mention it.

Kai hesitated.

"You... you really don't hate me...?" Kai asked in a small voice. Lloyd couldn't help but start to laugh through his tears, and it made Kai laugh too. Kai hugged back properly and they smiled to themselves as they soaked in the moment.