Painful Secrets

Chapter 38

As the movie ended, Jeongin had gone to sleep in Minho's room since Seungmin said he was out on an errand with Jisung, leaving Hyunjin and Felix alone together in the PC room.

Both Hyunjin and Felix were late sleepers so Felix played another movie which (in Hyunjin's opinion) was even more boring than the first one. It was about two friends, one boy and one girl just falling in love and doing all the love dovey and cheesy stuff that normal couples do in real life that made Hyunjin cringe because of how effortlessly boring the movie was. It was just people doing what normal couples do in real life. Why bother watching such a film when you can just stalk two lovers? For free.

There was a pause in the movie as Felix said, "My popcorn's finished. I'm gonna go get some more."

Then he walked out of the room with his empty bowl to get a refill.

As he left, Hyunjin took ahold of the remote. He turned off the movie and exited the romance genre, going to the horror one.

He ended up playing the one called "Doctor Sleep".

The movie was off to a good start and he got so lost in it that he didn't even realize when Felix came back in.

"What are you doing?" Felix asked, catching Hyunjin's attention.

"Watching a movie?" Hyunjin answered.

"Why would you watch that one out of so many others?" Felix asked, putting down the bowl of popcorn on the table.

"Because," Hyunjin said as he lowered the volume a bit. "It looked interesting."

Felix frowned. "Put the previous one back on."

Hyunjin frowned back. "I don't want to."

Felix groaned while rolling his eyes.

"Aish, give me the remote. I'll do it myself." Felix then stepped towards the couch to take the remote but Hyunjin wasn't gonna let him have it.

"I said I don't want to change the movie." Hyunjin said.

"But I want to. So, give it!" Felix said as he got on the couch and tried to get the remote out of Hyunjin's hand but failed when Hyunjin pulled it away.

"Hyunjin! Seriously, give it!" Felix whined, managing to get his hands on the remote but not out of Hyunjin's grasp.

"Aish, Felix! Let go!" Hyunjin grunted as he began pulling his hand out of Felix's grip which was surprisingly really strong.

As Hyunjin continued to pull, he didn't realize how he was pulling Felix along too and was completely shocked, flustered and almost numb when he realized he had pulled Felix on his lap.

The remote fell on the red carpeted floor with a loud clatter as both Felix and Hyunjin's grip on it loosened.

They both stared at each other, eye to eye, their lips only an inch apart.

Hyunjin felt his heartbeat growing fast and he felt as if it was a weight hammering against his chest, ready to break his ribs and go to what has been attracting it for quite a long time, Lee Felix.

Hyunjin could only watch, his eyes widening as Felix slowly leaned forward, hands on Hyunjin's shoulders and before Hyunjin knew, Felix was kissing him.

As Felix continued to keep his lips pressed against Hyunjin's, Hyunjin just sat there, motionless.

After realizing the situation, Hyunjin immediately placed his hands on Felix's shoulders and pulled him away.

Felix looked at him, confused. "Hyunjin, what's wrong?"

Hyunjin shook his head, nudging Felix off his lap and onto the couch. "Nothing."

He then stood up. "I have to go."

"No, wait! Hyunjin!" Felix said, grabbing Hyunjin's hands to stop him. "Don't go! Please, stay!"

"Felix," Hyunjin looked at Felix. "I can't."

Felix shook his head. "No! You can but you just won't. You leave. You always leave and lock yourself away."

"Then what should I do?"

"Stay, Hyunjin. Stay with me. For tonight?"

"Wait," Hyunjin spoke. "You're not offering me your body, are you?"

"What if I am?"

"Felix, you shouldn't."

"Why not? It's my body. I can give it to whoever I want."

"You shouldn't give it to me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm afraid what might happen if I lose control over myself."

"So, you want to hurt me?"

Hyunjin shook his head, "No, I would never."

"Then?"

"You don't know what you're asking for, Felix."

"Of course, I do."

Hyunjin freed his hand from Felix's grip, still not breaking eye contact. "Oh, really?"

Hyunji used his right hand to push Felix down on the couch, rather harshly. Felix laid flat on his back as Hyunjin hovered above him, pinning Felix's wrists above his head.

"Do you really want this? You want me to do this to you?"

"Yes, Hyunjin." Felix said, looking extremely calm and comfortable. "I want you to make love to me."

The moment felt so unreal. Not even the wildest of Hyunjin's dreams could picture an image this clear.

Hyunjin backed away and sat down on the couch as Felix got up. "Hyunjin, are you okay?"

"I don't think so." Hyunjin said. "How can you be in love with me?"

"How can I not?"

"Because I'm a monster. I've killed so many people, even my parents. I was raised in an asylum and was sleeping in prison when I should have been studying and graduating. I still kill people for a living. Felix, you deserve someone else. Someone better."

"But, I don't want anyone else. I want you. Are you saying that because you don't love me back?"

"No, it's not that. I do. I do love you. I love you so much. But, I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that, Hyunjin. Just because you've killed people doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved."

Felix took Hyunjin's hand in his small one. "I know it's hard. Being locked up for almost half of your life. It has gotten to you so much that being locked up all by yourself is all you think you deserve. That's why you lock yourself in your room and hide yourself from everyone. From me. Hyunjin, it's not your fault that the world makes you feel like an unleashed animal. You never asked for it. Please, let me show what it is like to be a human. To enjoy love and feel pleasure. Please, Hyunjin?"

After a long minute of silence, Hyunjin sighed, "Okay."

Felix smiled as he climbed onto Hyunjin's lap. He pushed the dark strands on Hyunjin's long hair behind his ear, cupping his face in his small hands. Felix closed the gap between their lips into a soft kiss. Hyunjin closed his eyes, euphoria taking over his mind as his large hands propped themselves on Felix's slim hips.

The kiss started to get rough and erotic as Hyunjin licked Felix's bottom lip before lightly nipping at it, asking for entrance that Felix granted easily. Hyunjin greedily licked into Felix's mouth, making Felix moan lightly.

The sound was so beautiful and sweet. Hyunjin wanted Felix to make that sound again.

Hyunjin gripped Felix's hips harder, feeling the restrain of invisible leashes loosen around his body as lust devoured his mind.