I'm having flashbacks... of when you were here
I can't get a grip.. all I feel is fear
you won't let me go, you've made that clear.
I can see u when I close my eyes. Your whispers I still overhear.
these memories won't disappear
almost like you're right here.
but you are nowhere in my sight.
except for sometimes late at night
a ray of white shining bright and
I catch a glimpse when the light shines right.
same height, I smile instead of try to fight.
thinking that maybe I have lost it, this cannot be true
but then I notice Ali, and Ali sees you too!
could this be post traumatic stress? hah.
that's what they'll say I bet!
"Do you wake up in a sweat?" the doc will ask.. "No I just wake up with regrets!" I can feel your threats. So close I thought I heard your breath. Will u haunt me to my death? just how close to me will u get?!
cause you're always one step ahead.
Why won't u just let me forget?!
that u and I ever existed
you're games, are really twisted
I'm crazy, everyone has hinted.
while your crimes are still being committed.
there are some things that you've omitted.
everyone around me is well scripted which has caused me to be timid.
so much worse that I predicted
my head is so conflicted.
you've got to be evicted.
for the thoughts that you've inflicted
you're being rewarded
your abuse, still unreported.
cause I let you inside my mind
at the perfect time.
you acted like you were kind
then allowed me to call u mine.
you slowly took away my shine
I call it the "perfect" crime
I did see some warning signs
but love caused me to be blind.
so I gave you the benefit of the doubt
not knowing what you were about
wasn't long and I found out.
I lost everyone, my life you plowed.
now, I'm stuck inside some game
where everybody knows my name.
They cock it back and take their aim.
carefully so they can't be blamed.
the bullet goes into my brain
unfortunately, I don't die in this game.
no, this is the game of pure pain and
my soul became yours to claim
filling me with so much shame.
since I willingly came.
I know I'll never be the same.
a strager is who I've became.
all of this to make me look insane.
so telling people, I must refrain
cause it's so hard to try to explain
just wonder what it is you gain
I still feel the tip of the blade
as you slide it down my face
I hope whatever it is, it's worth it
to dehumanize a person on the surface.
to make her feel like she is nobody, just worthless
like she's never had a purpose.
and want me to remain wordless
they know my name and also the truth
but they will say you're a fine dude.
how I deserved this shit from you
even though, that's so untrue.
and I know you know that too.
I know you'll never feel sorry
for the things you've put me through
and somehow, someway I will learn how to forgive but it damn sure ain't for you.
Once the game is over,
I'll finally have my closure.
winning is in the eye of the beholder.
and you've turned me into a soldier.
SNLpoetry
07/2022
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