no child should ever have to be a victim of an adult's sickness.
innocence stolen, being the only witness.
Burying it deep, so many secrets they keep.
but secrets make us sick, someday they won't forget
remembering that it happened in fragments
it wasn't imagined.
putting the pieces together; getting nervous.
soon after that, they start to feel worthless.
crying on the inside, but smiling on the surface.
questioning what they did to deserve this
and why they never told it.
As a little girl, not understanding what was happening.
made becoming an adult very challenging.
The older version of myself practically the same
only difference, now is I just have more pain.
I built up a wall for protection, did it without question.
It's what your brain does to fix you when your mind cannot grasp it
I knew something had always been missing.
and the older I would get, I started listening
if I was quiet, a little girl would start crying,
looking back, she was always good at hiding,
but it's time to go find her.
before she goes under.
Its suffocating in here, and it's time to explore
Take a good look at what I have ignored
Silence the evil, & pray to the Lord.
Face reality, that there is a child inside of me
screaming; needing to be free..
and I hold the key.
I don't think I'm ready
The road ahead still feels so unsteady.
She look familiar?
barely.
I'm sorry kid I can't be your hero
I'm staring at her through the window
she's stares back, right through my soul
waiting for me to take control
she has more faith in me than I do
Has she forgot what all we've been through
I want to run away,
keep numbing the pain
but then nothing would change
I have to set the past on fire,
stand inside of the flames
release her chains
that tie her down,
a part of me is lost, and has to be found.
but the fear won't let me breathe.
grasping my neck, like I'm suffocating.
It's devastating and she's still waiting
I hate being my own enemy
I walked toward her carefully.
nothing but empathy
taking back my integrity
& reclaim my identity.
Wounds do heal, it's the scars that remain
no more pointing fingers or hiding in shame. 
She didn't get to be a child because she lived in denial.
She just wants to be free, go play for a while.
all she needed was a fighter,
someone who could drive her
Tired of being an actor in her very own disaster
letting the darkness be her master.
Surrounded by enemies disguised as her friends just pretending to like her when they really despised her
only there to hinder, dressed up in their glitter
always a trigger,
she needed to be bigger
she never came from a place of hate
nothing like the evil they spit in her face.
and she would quickly find her place
away from the liars, the cheaters and bums
no more would she be begging for any of their
crumbs
She knew that they lied
she's finally opened her eyes
and realizes she is the prize
but her since her innocence was stolen, it didn't mean she had to keep being broken.
SNLpoetry
07/2021
edited 07/2023
©️
