don't hate me when i do it -
when i rip the bandaid off,
when i throw it in the trash
and never look back
at the pile of never-ending
bloody bandaids
that grow
and grow
and morph into something
that is so unfulfilling
with the conscious effort
i have put forth
into getting better.
i am so fucking tired
of being sick,
and of being tired,
that it drains all of the energy
from my body
and causes the aches
and the pains
that corrupted me.
to sit in bed
is all consuming
as i whisper
to my noggin
and pray to no particular person
about the current state of my being
that forever seems to be disrupting
my current way of living.
and oh my god
no one understands
because no one feels the way i do,
but everyone feels the way i do,
and i have to know this
in order to take my next steps
to genuinely become
just a better person.
this is a plea
for you to not give up.
sometimes i feel
like i judge myself too harsh
as i feel like i come across
as too much,
too intense,
too laid back,
too indecisive,
just too much.
have i been made to feel that way?
i want to say yes,
but am i being dramatic?
am i over exaggerating?
why do i doubt
my own self?
i don't understand why
everything about me
just feels fake.
Gmp 08/2022
