For weeks sometimes
I have to force a smile,
But in a more general term.
It's like my brain doesn't trigger
The social action cues
Or just doesn't want to generate thought.
Maybe the emotion is too much that my brain will just shut down.
Sometimes I feel too much
And my eyes blossom over with tears
From an episode of tearing things off of my walls and destroying memories.
Destroying my skin because my ego couldn't handle the constant let down as I looked in the mirror and saw me.
As the tearing of skin became
The bruising of leg
To screaming at the moon
To just nothing at all, I questioned myself:
Is it better to stay numb to the emotion,
Or better to feel it all at once?
GMP
12/23/2018
