She's not mine | 𝔍𝔢𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔞

Chapter 49

Jennie

I stare up at the house as I try to gather the courage to go in. I shouldn't have let Irene's words rattle me, but I did. She got to me, because she's right.

I knew exactly what I was doing when I chose to take her place. Had I stayed away, Grandma Anne would no doubt have given Irene yet another chance. I was selfish and took a risk. Did I make the wrong choice?

I inhale deeply and steel myself as I walk into the house. I'm scared to face Lisa, knowing there's a chance I'll find some truth in her words if I confront her. I feel like I've built a house of cards, and at any moment, everything will come crashing down on me.

"Jennie?" Lisa looks at me with clear concern in her eyes. "You're home late today. I've been calling you. Where have you been?"

I force a smile and shake my head. "I've just been working late, that's all." I hesitate. "I've got a headache, Lisa. I'm heading to bed."

She walks up to me and grabs my shoulders, holding me in place as her gaze roams over my face.

My heart starts to ache when she gently brushes my hair out of my face. Is any of this real? Is she pretending because she thinks it's the right thing to do? Am I just an obligation to her?

I bite down on my lip harshly, but I can't hold back my tears. I look away as a tear drops down my cheek. I expected Lisa to panic, or to demand an explanation for my agony, but she just takes me into her arms and threads her hand into my hair. I burst into tears in earnest and bury my face against her neck. Sobs tear through my throat, and she tightens her grip on me, as though she's trying to hold me together when I fail to do so myself.

"You're breaking my heart, Cupcake. I'm immune to everyone's tears but yours. You've got me ready to fall to my knees and beg you to tell me what I can do to make it all better."

I shake my head, unsure of what to say. Even if I tried, I doubt the words would come out. How do I explain that a thousand fears have consumed me? How do I explain that guilt unlike anything I've ever felt before is nipping at my soul, and despite that, I'd do it all over again if it means having this with her?

Lisa leans down and lifts me into her arms, her steps resounding through the hallway as she carries me to our bedroom. She sits down at the edge of the bed and keeps me in her lap as she moves her hand over my back soothingly. It all just makes my heart break even further.

"Jennie," she whispers, sounding pained.

I sit up in her lap and wipe away my tears as best as I can. I can't keep hiding. I can't keep drowning in my pain - not if it's of Irene's making.

"Irene came to my office today." She tenses and locks her jaw, her expression unreadable.

"Lisa... did you... d-did you give her my wedding ring?"

Her eyes widen, and she cups my cheeks tenderly. "Baby," she whispers. "I swear to you that it's nothing like what you might be thinking. She asked for it, and I gave it to her because I didn't want it to continuously remind you of her. And to be honest, Jen, I didn't want to hang onto something like that. I sent her mine too. I have no need for either of them."

She strokes my cheek with the back of her fingers, her gaze pleading, as though she needs me to believe her.

"It kills me," I whisper. I reach for her and trail a finger over her temple, too scared to ask the questions I need answers to. "The guilt, the pain. It's all too much, Lisa. Did I make the wrong decision? Does a small part of you despise me for walking down that aisle instead of staying away? Do you resent me for standing between Irene and you?"

She opens her mouth to answer, but I place my index finger against her lips, silencing her.

"Don't," I whisper. "I don't have the courage to listen to your answers, Lisa. I'd rather let my fears eat me alive than hear you confirm Irene's insinuations. I don't think I can survive hearing you say that a small part of you still loves her. I'm scared that you'll pity me and you'll tell me everything I want to hear without meaning a single word. I'm scared that everything between us truly is just a duty for you. I won't survive you discarding me for her."

I let my finger fall away, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks as I do so. Lisa sighs and grabs my wrists, her grip tight as she pushes them behind my back.

"Are you done speaking, my love? I fucking hope so, because it's my turn."

My eyes widen, and she smiles despite the traces of heartache in her eyes.

"You, Jennie Manoban, are the single most unexpected yet best thing that has ever happened to me. I wasn't truly living before you. You drive me fucking insane in the very best way. You make me laugh every single day, and you, my beautiful wife, make me feel things I've never felt before. I thought I knew what love was, you know? I thought it meant compromise, selflessness and patience. Now I know better. True love is maddening, all-consuming, and it's fucking selfish, Jen. It's impatience and counting down the minutes until you get home. It's being petty about all the men sliding into your DMs and it's fucking you raw on our brand-new sofa because I need you with an intensity that extends beyond the physical. It's decorating our home together and actually caring about the details, because I want our home to be ours. It's arguing with you when I normally would've let things go, simply because when it's you, I actually care about every single little fucking thing. That, Mrs. Manoban, is love. Or at least, I think it is, because how else would you define the way I feel? You're everything I didn't realize I needed, and now that I've had you, I can't go back to a life before you. Not ever. No matter what."

I stare at her speechlessly, and she smirks. "Yeah," she whispers. "I didn't see it coming either, but here we are, baby. You and me. It's just you and me in this marriage, Jennie. There's no space for anyone else, so stop letting her in. I know it hurts, and I know you love her. It isn't easy to figure out how to keep her in our lives when each time we see her, we're confronted with a past we both wish didn't exist. I feel the same guilt you're feeling, but it isn't ours to carry. You and I have done nothing wrong, you hear me?"

I nod and wrap my arms around her neck, my words caught in my throat. She has no idea how long I've been wanting to hear these words, or how much they mean to me.

Another tear runs down my cheek, and Lisa catches it with her thumb. She cups my face and leans in, her lips brushing over mine gently, softly, her kiss conveying every single word she just spoke.

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