To Love Again !!!

Chapter - 39

Amrit watched Abhay interact with both Harpreet and Jassi the entire evening. He was really close to them. She could tell. They joked with each other, laughed at each other too and none of them took anything to heart. This lighter side to Abhay was fascinating and enlightening at the same time. Fascinating because he was so different from his usual serious, calm self. He cared for both his friends and he made sure Jassi was comfortable. He let her bully him into taking Amrit out for the weekend. He even let her make jokes on him and laughed with her. Amrit liked that aspect of his nature. It was enlightening to see his ability to make others smile, feel comfortable and happy. He was a complex man because he did not extend the same courtesy to himself that he extended to others. She watched him keenly and realized what Jassi and Sarla had been telling her. He smiled and laughed but it was not from his heart. As if it was on cue. Yes the way she had heard his laughter the first time that had been different. He had genuinely laughed. But what he had been doing all evening was practice. He had rehearsed how to laugh, when to smile, when to engage and when to disengage. Like a beautiful choreographed recital only not from the heart. She didn't hear the sound that had affected her so much when she had heard it the first time she had met him. Anybody who knew him well could make out he was faking it.

Had Natasha broken him so much? Had he loved her that much? She didn't know and seeing him today she realized how much she wanted to make him whole again. He had stood for her, by her, in his own way he cared, made sure she was comfortable. Yesterday when he had spoken to her before he had pulled her into an embrace of sorts she had realized he hadn't wanted her scared or worried. Though both had been natural responses to his injury, still. She had been surprised first and then had felt warm and safe. He had been thinking about her. Didn't that say anything about how he felt? Granted she was his wife and he felt certain responsibilities towards her but just duty without any emotions attached to it sounded cold and no matter what he thought or others thought she knew it in her heart he was not a cold person. He was affectionate, warm and very understanding. How could she not make him whole again?

Amrit thought about why she was reacting so strongly? Was it only because she was his wife? Or was it something more? They had decided on being best friends. Then this is what friends did. They stood with each other through thick and thin. They helped, supported without anything in return. They took care of each other without a mention. She understood to some level the pain he must have felt at seeing his life shatter like that, his dreams suddenly coming to an end. She had experienced something similar only difference she hadn't been in love with the man. Her emotions had taken a beating but because of how her own family had behaved. Her anger was driven more towards others than at the man. How could she blame him for what he had done? He had been a stranger to her. Yes, she was going to marry him but that is what arranged marriages were like. She hadn't met him enough times and even then would she have been able to tell what a cad he was? She didn't think so. She had been so naïve, so inexperienced, so trusting. She was not the same person anymore. But could she be if she tried? Did she want to be? Was it possible to make Abhay the way he was before? Maybe not. But someone similar. Maybe. Scars given by one's own were difficult to heal and even if they did there were still faint lines that could be seen. Nevertheless one could forget about those lines with time.

Jassi was right they needed to talk about their pasts and not let it stay hanging in the middle. She should take the first step. She wanted to make this relationship a success not just for him but for her too. She liked him and who knows over a period of time come to love him as well but for that she will have to open up. She hoped that would help. What she now required was a setting, a time to talk. She couldn't just go up to him and tell him she wanted to suddenly talk about things. How much should she tell him? Should she tell him everything? Or should she take it slowly? It was a big thing or maybe not. She will definitely have a headache at this rate she thought. It was too much thinking.

Maybe over the weekend when Abhay took her out she could broach the subject delicately. That made her feel better. She hoped Abhay would understand her reluctance to talk about her broken engagement. It was not easy for her. Because it was easier to keep it in the box or so she thought.

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