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CHAPTER 06
❝ AND I'M ON MY OWN ❞
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ♡︎♡︎♡︎ ALL OF MY clients knew what I truly am, vowing to keep it a secret. None of them has ever leaked anything about me, and I am thankful for that. They were devoted to me like a dog to it's favourite bone, once I get older or when I'm finally too used up, they'll throw me away and find a younger, sweeter, and unused bone. But since I am still crowned as the most known and the most wanted oiran, they still stayed loyal to me.
One client, to be specific, always blows his money on me. I am grateful for his generosity, since he also spends on my girls, giving them more than enough food and clothes. It would be safe to say that both Hazuki and Hizuki like him, especially since they were never mistreated when they see each other outside of my work. My girls are the most important people to me, so someone being kind and caring to them will always lead me to being kind to the same person as well.
Although there are times where I'd think that my clients only do this because they know how much I care for my girls, so they'd intentionally be good to them so I would eventually be taken by them.
Akaza was different, of course. He always was. His genuineness made me like him more, I could tell that he was sincere with his actions, even without him saying anything. Whenever he'd come to my room at night through the balcony, he'd listen to my little rants about my life for the past few days we couldn't see each other because of my work — and because he was needed by the progenitor of demons.
My little rants consisted of how the clients would treat me, my girls, and all the other girls that worked in the house. Sometimes he'd see how upset I am and he'd try to offer me comfort. It was sweet of him, truly. It never failed to make me smile and blush when our hands would touch and we'd exchange looks.
If I were to be honest, Akaza made me feel loved. That my body is not the only thing people could value me for. That he sees me as someone worth talking to, worth taking the risk for in case someone catches us, and someone that isn't just all beauty and sex.
Even though I'm not so sure if he already knows I'm not a woman, with him, I am Mitsukuni.
When I am with Akaza, I am not the most celebrated and most sought-after courtesan. I am not just a body made to pleasure. I am not a woman that is meant to be ogled at wherever I go, wherever I stand, and wherever I sit.
When I'm with him, I am the young man that was forced into prostitution to earn money for the house. I can talk and smile and laugh and feel without having the need to be pretty and dainty like a fragile little flower. I can be myself, even if it's just a small part of me.
But I have to remind myself over and over and over again that even if I am falling for Akaza, even if I want to be with him, oil and water cannot mix.
I am a human that grows old and dies. A disease may appear out of the blue and my lifespan would decrease. I am significantly weaker and defenseless. If another demon wanted to devour me, they could do it without hesitation or difficulty. I am mortal, and I will simply fade once time takes me away.
Akaza, however, is a demon. A demon that can regenerate, that cannot die from any illnesses, that has superior strength against humans and perhaps other demons. Akaza is essentially immortal.
If our differences in species isn't enough to prove that, no matter what I do, we cannot be together, then I would consider myself blind.
But then again, for me to like Akaza is the same thing as being blind to the sins of a man that has lit the world on fire. He has killed numerous of men. The guilt of catching feelings for someone that is a murderer is too much for me to bear.
If this progresses, which I hope it doesn't, I would keep this to myself.
As long as I can pretend, as long as I am blind, as long as I am deaf, I will continue to spend my time with Akaza.
God knows how much I've yearned for someone to see me as who I am.
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END OF CHAPTER
A/N : Short shitty chapter. I couldn't think of anything lol.
