𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐈 ━━ 𝗞𝗡𝗬 | ✓

⟨ 十五 ⟩

CHAPTER 15

❝ AND I COULD LIE, SAY I LIKE IT LIKE THAT, LIKE IT LIKE THAT ❞

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ♡︎♡︎♡︎
BLOOD CONTINUED TO seep through my worn-out hakama, though I could care less now that I'm sitting in the puddle of blood in my broken home. Flowers that bloomed only at night grew everywhere as thick vines and nearly indestructible roots emerged to break through the wooden floors and walls.

Five years have passed ever since I last saw my girls, and two years have gone by without any visits from Akaza. I was all alone with nothing but the flowers I grew from my blood to keep me company. Every night, they'd whisper the comforting words I used to hear from Akaza, and I'd often hear my girls' voices.

My girls kept beckoning me to walk to the light, telling me to join them. But I couldn't. Every time they'd whisper in my ear how much they've missed me and how much that want to see me again, I'd deafen myself. I burst my eardrums over and over again until there is only ringing, then I'd heal as if nothing happened.

I couldn't leave just yet. I can't die just yet. Not when I still haven't found the filthy creature that killed my girls. Not when I still haven't talked to Akaza for one last time. All I want, before I succumb, is to be at peace with my mind and heart.

But how could I when there is nothing but war waging inside of me ever since I was born?

For thirty-five years, I keep suffering and suffering and suffering, as though my only true role in this world was to be born into tragedy. Not a single part of my life had gone by without pain creeping inside of me.

I was a slave as a child. Despite getting to eat food, having a place to sleep in, getting to wear decent clothes, and getting education, all of that were for nothing but to shape me into a pleasure toy for when I am older. I was raised to pleasure, to please, to entertain, to fuck, to be touched, to be ogled at, and to be something I am not.

From the very beginning, my body was not mine. It never was. It was for the people that had more power than me.

And when I got out of the life that suffocated me to the point I was starting to choose death, another mask came to take my face.

I became a demon as an adult. Even though I finally got away from the life I never wanted before, was fortunate enough to bring my girls with me, and gave them a new and less straining life, all of that vanished in a blink of an eye because of one single night. So I became something I was not once more: I bent Hell to look for the despicable being that took my daughters from me, shedding so much blood, and letting my hunger and desperation become the best of me, which ultimately destroyed me.

I no longer remember how many people I have killed out of blind rage. How many demons I've mutilated until they turned to dust.

I no longer held values or morals, nor do I care for humanity ever since three of the most important people in my life had left me.

My memory keeps fading the more I get angry at the world.

I could hardly remember how Akaza's voice sounded like, nor do I remember the way his touches felt like, and how his kisses taste like. I do not remember his love anymore.

I could barely remember what my girls' faces looked like, their mannerisms, and their interests. Did Hazuki have freckles, or was it Hizuki? Did one of them have bunny teeth or was it both of them? Was Hazuki the one who liked to do household chores more or was it Hizuki? Did Hizuki have any interest for martial arts or was it Hazuki?

I don't know. I don't remember. I want to, but I can't. I couldn't.

I do not deserve to remember. I resent who I am now and I will forever do so.

As the night became darker, my flowers slowly came to life, one by one blooming and shining in the dark, emitting such intoxicating fragrance that not even a demon could resist it's scent.

I am no longer Mitsuki, the most celebrated, sought-after, and beautiful oiran in the entertainment district.

I am no longer Mitsukuni, the gentle and caring man that always puts his family first before himself.

I am a monster, the one that has killed both human and demons with my rage alone and forever resenting myself for what I've become.

END OF CHAPTER