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CHAPTER 08
❝ I COULD LIE, SAY I LIKE IT LIKE THAT, LIKE IT LIKE THAT ❞
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ♡︎♡︎♡︎ WHY MUST LOVE be so cruel? Why must I live knowing the only one that has ever truly loved me, the one that genuinely loves me for being myself, is someone that I cannot have? Why must I go on with my life knowing that only one man has ever truly tried to see me in all my phases, and each time he'd love me the same?
I wish that maybe, even if it's the tiniest chance, I'll get reincarnated to be someone more suitable for Akaza. Maybe I can be someone that has no doubts in themselves, trying to find the holes in every situation, and once I do find them, I'll tear it bigger and bigger until I could only blame myself for the water that is leaking through.
My body trembled as I wept, and so did my heart. I could no longer tell if what I feel for myself was self-pity or self-hatred, but I do know that by the end of the day, I have to be someone else other than me. My heart ached as I press my hands to my chest, hoping that my tears will soon dry up.
Why must the world be so cruel? Why must the heavens let me have a taste of something so good and then have it out of my reach, dangling it in front of me yet a pit below filled with unknown dangers stopped me from running towards it? Why must God give me a man that will never truly be mine despite whatever he says? Why must I love someone that I cannot have?
"Big sister?" Hazuki stood at the doorway of my room, her shadowed face was filled with worry, and it broke my heart knowing I couldn't confide to her even though she tells me that I could tell her any problem I have. I am her big sister, and I choose to not let a child like her be involved in something so messy and fucked up.
"Yes, Hazuki?" I said, pretending as if I was not spilling my heart out just seconds ago. I was a mess, but it was not the first time she has seen me like this. Hazuki approached me with hesitant steps, then kneeling in front of me.
