The Better Half Of Me

Chapter 45-Riley

I cry the whole way home. My makeup is ruined. I am surprised I didn't crash the car, but luckily there was no traffic.

Oh no, how am I going to hide this from my parents? I have to think of something to say to them.

Once I pull up to the house, I notice mom's car is gone. Odd, but I am not usually home at this hour so who knows.

I slowly unlock the door and step inside, only to see a note on the kitchen counter.

"Mom and I went on a little dinner date, we will be back late. Didn't know when you would be home, so here is a 20 to order pizza if you want it. Love you."

I slump to the ground. At least I will be alone in my sorrow, there is no way I could have thought of any excuse to cover this up to my parents.

I cry more, until I realize something. There is only one thing to cover this pain up. Alcohol.

I know mom has some alcohol in this house somewhere. She keeps wine in case guests come over.

Finally in the bottom of the China cabinet I find two bottles of red wine. It will have to do.

I sit at the kitchen table and drink straight from the bottle, not even bothering with a glass.

It's gross, but it burns and numbs me once I am about halfway through the first bottle.

I am so numb but fuzzy at the same time. My tears have stopped and are replaced with emptiness.

I continue to drink and wonder how everything went so wrong. Just last night Caleb and I were so in love, having the night of our lives at the party. He had finally gotten to experience regular life. 

I thought after last night things would be different, but not in this awful way. I thought maybe he would be less cautious, and maybe we could finally tell people the truth about our relationship. I mean, it was our first public appearance together.

I never imagined that I would lose him. Especially just because his father told him to end things. I can't believe he just gave in to him so easily, he could have come here and lived, we would have worked through it.

Even if my parents would have refused him, we could have both gone and gotten jobs and gotten an apartment together or something.

I swallow more wine and sob.

None of this makes any sense, and the wine is clouding my brain. The first bottle is gone, so I open the second and continue to drink.

I try to go upstairs to my room, but I am so drunk that I almost fall down so I just give up and sit on the floor.

Maybe I should go back and demand to talk to Caleb's father. No, that would end terribly. Besides, I can't drive in this condition, I would surely crash.

What's the point anyway? If Caleb really loved me he would have fought for us, he wouldn't have given up so easily. Going to talk to his father would just be humiliating and a waste of my time.

 I cry and pound my fists against the wall. When will this pain end? What is so wrong with me that I don't deserve love?

Suddenly I remember a memory of a much happier time. It was a couple months ago, and Caleb and I had the afternoon together. We were trying to decide what to do, and suddenly he had an idea. He wanted to teach me to ride a horse. I was a little scared at first, especially since I had never done that before, but Caleb eased all my anxiety. He helped me up, and showed me what to do. It was fun and I felt so free, until I fell off into a big pile of mud. I wanted to cry at first, but instead I burst into laughter.