Chances of Time

Chapter 11

Days and months had passed, and everything was well. Time helped me cope with the things I needed to be immune to.

“If it will allow outsiders again, I’ll ask Sam to be my date,” I answered when we were talking about the junior and senior prom. They looked at me with malice, so I raised my brows. “Why? Si Sam lang naman ang gusto kong ayain in terms of that. Ayoko ng iba, if hindi papayag si Sam, maybe I’ll come alone.”

“May mga mag-aaya naman sa’yo, bakit si Sam pa aayain mo?” malisyosong tanong ni Michelle.

“I want Sam more than the other guys. Mas sure sa kaniya.” They grinned when they heard what I said.

“May napanood ako eh, hawig niyan,” natatawang sabi ni Mich, and she looked at me maliciously. “In denial sa feelings, kasi ayaw masira ang friendship? Diba, Faye?”

“Yep, Michelle. I saw this before, gano’n talaga if hesitant sa feelings and situations, ayaw mag-risk.” She even shrugged as she emphasized every word she said. Drick spoke, and I thought he would tease me too, but he did… indirectly.

“Tama na kayo,” he scolded them. “Hayaan niyong i-assess ni Harly ang nararamdaman niya towards Sam at sa friendship nila.” Then he smiled. “Let her be.”

I pouted. “Stop it, okay? Hindi magbabago ang decision ko,” I said with finality. They shrugged, but then they diverted their topic to something else. I lost my mood because of that. They didn’t comment on my feelings about Wes or my decision to wait for him for so long, but they were commenting on my gestures and attitude toward Sam. Why do they always meddle with my love life, anyway?

My sophomore year ended smoothly. I was able to pass my requirements, and thankfully I didn’t have a tres or, worse, cinco. I nearly cried for my 2.75 grade in one of my majors, but I’m okay now. Tanggap ko na siya.

Faye invited me to go to the beach this summer. My parents almost disagreed since most of my companions are with their boyfriends and girlfriends, but at least Sam will join. We enjoyed the vacation. I finally met Faye’s boyfriend personally. It was just a two-day trip out of town since Sam and Tope are not available because of their summer term.

After that beach vacation, we seldom met again. Mich went to their Lola’s town, and Faye and Drick got busy in their own lives. Sam is in Academy, but we see each other sometimes. I stayed in the house, reading, selling, and buying books. Mom was always in the neighborhood, and Dad was at work. That’s how plain my summer experience this year was.

I pouted when I saw Wes’ ballpen in my box. I was busy cleaning my room, and I didn’t know that I still had this ballpen. I suddenly missed him. I felt like I hadn’t thought of him or anything. I felt the longing. I felt something indifferent, something suspicious.

Bumigat ang nararamdaman ko. I sat on the floor and cried silently. Realization suddenly hits me. Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko, and I let my thoughts surround me. The thoughts I’ve never let myself be consumed. I let my feelings go and shouted out to myself to make me realize what just happened. To let me know that I failed myself. I failed him.

Time will sometimes betray you. And here I thought time was always my ally.