Book IV of the UNC Series
Carter Blake has a bone-deep hatred for the world-and especially for the people in it. All he wants is to keep his head down, focus on school and basketball, and avoid the mess of human connection. After enduring years of...
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I lost control. Absolutely lost it despite the small glimpse I ascertained from Addie. The little minute control I tried to reign back despite how quickly it dissipated.
Fuck! I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have caved. I shouldn't have acted on my desires. I should have—I release a heavy resigned sigh—I should have fought it better. But I couldn't. I simply couldn't. Not when I could still feel the softness of her skin against my lips, smell the fresh green apples and cinnamon lingering on my hands from where I touched her or hear the sweet honey of her voice in my ear.
I've been so angry at my mother for getting lost in her addictions, drinking, and not caring for Carsen or me. Yet, I woefully aided Addie in hers, and I lost control.
Guilt chews away at my insides, wracking my mind and coiling the knot in the pit of my stomach. I'm a hypocrite. I fault my mother while willfully indulging in Addie's.
I shake my head, knowing I'm not doing anyone any favours. But still, I couldn't get rid of her taste even if I wanted to. Even now, hours later, I can still taste the muskiness of her arousal on my tongue and smell her on my fingers. I could feel the pulse of her walls squeezing me, her creamy skin, which was so soft against my lips and callouses, as she tightened her thighs around my head and hips. The column of her long neck that fit my palms and fingers so well, the swells of her breasts that heaved against me with each pant and whisper, and the sounds that escaped those sinful lips.
The memory of her moans and cries still makes my cock hard.
I simply couldn't resist the pull of her alluring skin that tasted like sweet heaven. And so I caved, made me a depraved man that took and took.
God-fucking-damn. I need to get a hold of myself.
I've craved control in every aspect of my life ever since Dad died, having felt like I lost it at that moment. But with Mom and Inez, I've been losing the little that I had.
And when I felt myself losing it with Addison, I tried to gain control of it. Before I went blind with desire.
I could still see the shock in her eyes at my demands. It's the least of what I wanted to do. If I had time and wasn't in a rush—without my mind raging against me—I would have had her on edge for hours before I made her come. The things I yearned to do. I wanted to lay her flat on my bed and take my time with her.
I run my hands through my hair, taking deep breaths as I try to reign in my urges. My lungs and thighs burn as my feet pound against the pavement. Each breath into my body feels constricted and strained. Despite running in the mornings for years, it feels more challenging today than usual. And I'm sure the memories of Addie's cries in my mind don't help.
We're a few days into the new year, and the snow is as thick as ever, having had a snowstorm last night. Despite this, the weather isn't as cold in the storm's aftermath. My skin is still numb from the nipping cold, but the sun gleaming off the fresh sheet of snow warms the air around me, balancing the soft breeze.
