Book IV of the UNC Series
Carter Blake has a bone-deep hatred for the world-and especially for the people in it. All he wants is to keep his head down, focus on school and basketball, and avoid the mess of human connection. After enduring years of...
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The phone rings before it's redirected to voicemail, and I hear her sweet voice telling me to leave a message.
"Hey, you're probably at the studio right now, but um, come home. I'm sorry for how I reacted and for what I said. I know what it's like dealing with Inez—Ricky, whatever his name is. And I shouldn't have judged when I didn't tell anyone about him until you. Ahh, I wanted to do this in person, but I'm sorry. Come home. It's been a long night, and I want to explain everything. And I'm willing to listen to whatever you're comfortable sharing. Just come home."
I exhale, my breaths coming out in white puffs of air as I hang up and lower my phone. Addie called me yesterday, but I was so stressed trying to figure out if Ryan would be okay that I didn't bother checking my phone. I hadn't looked at it until now and immediately called her.
I see my building in the distance. Carsen offered to drive me home, but I knew how much he wanted to be by Ryan's side, and I could use the walk. The fresh air nips at my skin, and my lips are dry from the lack of humidity in the air. It's a bit of a walk from the hospital home, but I needed to take a moment to fully comprehend that I drove yesterday. I drove for the first time in eight years, and nothing happened.
I didn't hurt Ryan or her daughter. And I didn't have a panic attack—not barring the first one I had. I simply put the car into drive and pressed the gas pedal.
I never thought I would have this back. I'm not saying I'm ready to get behind the wheel right away—Carsen offered me Dad's truck to drive home—but it's too soon. However, I feel confident that I'll be ready to do this. Eventually. The idea isn't daunting, and it's not a phobia like I thought.
I note a voicemail from Addie, and I click it to play.
She clears her throat. "I know you're probably still mad at me. But I just wanted to say something before you get home, and we inevitably have this conversation. I love you, Carter. Hear me say those words; feel my love for you. My love for you is not due to you being a simple choice. I didn't base my love for you on convenience or problem-solving. I love you because you see me. You looked beyond my vulnerabilities and still accepted me. You didn't see me as weak or vulnerable, and you still considered me strong. I love you because, despite what you say, you always care about everyone around you. If you didn't, you wouldn't care about Andre or his thoughts of you and missing games and fights. You wouldn't care about Ryan and her well-being or care that Carsen has a baby on the way. You would have been selfish. But you are the least selfish person I know. You don't take advantage of the people around you. You love them without restraint. And that's why I love you. I just wish you would see yourself as such. Because then you wouldn't be hurting everyone around you by pushing them away. I learned that the hard way. And you made me realize that—"
Her message ends abruptly, either because of a dead phone battery or a sudden interruption.
Tears well in my eyes, my chest constricting. I've never had someone see me so thoroughly. I always thought love was a weakness, something that has the ability to destroy. Even with Carsen and Ryan, seeing Carsen crumble at the thought of losing Ryan, reconfirms that notion.
