Book IV of the UNC Series
Carter Blake has a bone-deep hatred for the world-and especially for the people in it. All he wants is to keep his head down, focus on school and basketball, and avoid the mess of human connection. After enduring years of...
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I slam the apartment door shut behind me, tossing my duffel to the hardwood floor. I fist my matted hair into my hands and tug on them in frustration.
I can't describe what I'm feeling. There's the hurt from the omission of it, anger that Inez had his claws in Addie this entire time, and I didn't know, and last, worry for Addie.
I sensed her panic when she tried explaining it to me, but I couldn't concentrate on anything beyond the sting of betrayal. Other than the little tidbits of information engraved into my mind.
Like how Inez is the reason she knows the side effects of a concussion and how to detect one. How he's been threatening her to make her pay, threatening Penny, who she loves dearly, even though they don't talk anymore.
And that Addie loves me. She loves me.
I thought I didn't believe in love.
Years ago, Carsen thought everyone he loved would eventually die; he wasn't remotely close. If anything, he had the ability to revive people with his love. I saw it in the way he attempted to nourish Mom when we first found out she was using, in the way he continuously loves Ryan, and in the way he supports his unborn baby.
But me? I'm not deserving of it, not when I actually killed my dad, which pushed Mom to drink. I'm why Carsen almost thought of giving up on Ryan, school, and football.
I bear the weight of everything; every occurrence and step originates with me.
Addison has already lost so much. She lost her best friend and sister. I can't be the reason why she loses yet another thing she cherishes. Because of me, she almost lost Olive, her one connection to her friend.
Inez might have been blackmailing Addie, but Olive's accident happened because I refused to take part in the next fight.
I recognize the irony of the situation. A couple of weeks ago, I convinced Addie that she deserved way better than Spencer. But here I am now, thinking I don't deserve love at all.
My heart clenches at the thought of Addie keeping this from me. She was worried about how I would react? Yet she took away my agency and right to respond how I would have.
She didn't trust me with the truth. Did she genuinely believe I would hate her because Inez was her stepfather? We both know how much family doesn't mean shit. She's met my mother and seen how she responded and talked to me, yet she believed I would judge her for who she's related to.
I also know Inez. No matter what I say or do, I can't escape him, and she thought I wouldn't understand that?
That's what hurts the most.
A knock echoes through the apartment, and I blink to the ceiling to contain the tears. I really hope it's not Addie. Because I meant what I said. I walked away because I didn't want to say anything I would regret, something that would hurt her.
