Book IV of the UNC Series
Carter Blake has a bone-deep hatred for the world-and especially for the people in it. All he wants is to keep his head down, focus on school and basketball, and avoid the mess of human connection. After enduring years of...
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The cold lashes against my cheeks, reddening my skin as I lose feeling, numbing to the sensation. I have a hat on—after Carter insisted I wear one—but it does little to mask the unforgiving, brutal winds. The icy, slippery ground makes my shoes inadequate, and I struggle to balance. I safely tucked my hands into my jacket pockets, hiding the many layers I had to wear before leaving the house.
Thankfully, Olive doesn't pull on her leash as I take her on a walk, staying obediently at my side while also smelling the various scents she finds in the snow. I bristle when I pull out my hand to throw out her poop bag before returning it safely to the warmth of my pocket. But not before catching a glimpse of the red welts wrapped around my wrist between the gap of my sleeve and thin cotton gloves.
Warmth washes over me at the reminder of last week. The bruise isn't as prominent as it was a few days ago, but the shudder that runs down my spine, the curl of my toes, the flush that consumes me has only intensified since then. The way he teased me, how his lips felt against my skin, his wandering hands and their callouses. Never once did he stop at my scars or look at them pityingly. My heart clenched, almost stopping when his hands brushed against them. But he didn't hesitate, understanding my previous plea of not talking about them. He ignored them but also cherished them with his kisses.
A surprising smile tugs at the corners of my mouth whenever I think of Carter. I don't think I've ever been this giddy at the thought of anyone. Even Spencer had a nasty habit of making me squirm and be uncomfortable in my skin. Though, I know why that is now.
But that night also reminds me I need to tell Carter about Ricky. I need to share my past with him before he somehow finds out on his own. Otherwise, it'll seem like I intentionally kept this from him or I somehow colluded with Ricky against Carter.
I feel guilty about the whole thing even though I have nothing to feel guilty about. Well, maybe a little. I only told Carter about Spencer and Olivia and how they impacted my life. But I didn't tell him about the scars, Ricky or the trauma of my childhood.
While Carter bared his soul the other night, telling me about his mom, Ricky, and how this is taking a toll on him, especially having to push his brother away because of it.
This all reminds me of how I've avoided Penny and Noah. I haven't seen either of them since that day they both confronted me separately. I've taken my phone out many times, attempting to call either of them to mend the rift between us.
But I always hesitate before pressing on either of their contacts. Their last words—or rather mine—filter through my mind, causing more guilt to clench in the depths of my stomach. I pushed Noah and Penny away; now they want nothing to do with me. It's cruel to lure them back in with reminders and phone calls.
Regardless, I know I have to be the one to make the first move. They have done nothing wrong, and I can't always expect them to be the ones to reach out. But while Ricky is still in my life, I can't risk it.
