Secrets and Sins

Chapter 7

~Beatrice~

“Do we have to?” Ava asked for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Yes Ava, I’ve already told you. We have to.”

Ava frowned and folded her arms, stewing in silence. They were sitting on uncomfortable plastic seats at a busy bus terminal, waiting on the bus that would take them the rest of the way to Andalucia, back to the Cat's Cradle. After travelling for almost a day and a half on various trains, buses and ferries they were on the home stretch. Beatrice could tell Ava was tired and sore, but the sister warrior was getting a little sick of the attitude. It was only a couple of days after Ava’s fever that Mother Superior had summoned them back.

The Halo bearer wouldn't admit it, but Beatrice knew that she still wasn’t back to full health. Ava had insisted on caring for the wounds herself, but Beatrice had seen her cleaning them in the bathroom the evening before they left. The wounds were barely scabbed over, Beatrice found it highly concerning that the halo still hadn’t healed Ava. When Beatrice tried to bring it up Ava just blew her off, saying that ‘It’s probably still recharging’. She had a feeling Ava knew more than what she said, but Beatrice didn’t push it, Ava would tell her when she was ready.

At least she’s not paralyzed anymore.

A nasally voice from the terminal speakers pulled her from her thoughts, announcing the arrival of their bus. Beatrice stood, picking up her duffel bag. She paused for a moment before reaching for Ava’s as well, not wanting the other woman to hurt herself further.

“Leave it. I got it.” Ava snapped. Snatching the bag from Beatrice and jumping to her feet, trying to hide her wince of pain.

Beatrice sighed, “Okay come on then.”

Beatrice gestured in the direction of the bus and Ava nodded, not meeting her eye and walked quickly away, not quite managing to hide her limp.

~Ava~

Ava was mad. She couldn’t help it. They had just started settling back into living together when Mother Superior called them back. Ava didn’t want to go back, she knew she had to, but the Halo bearer just wanted a little longer with Bea by herself. It was selfish, but to be fair she had sacrificed herself to save the world. The least the world could do was give her some time with the woman she loved.

Plus my stomach hurts like a bitch.

Ava didn’t want to take her frustration out on Bea and tried to work through it silently. But Bea, patient, loving, beautiful Bea constantly checked in with her to see if she was okay. Which would’ve been fine if Ava wasn’t so close to constantly blowing up. Every word that came out of the Halo bearer’s mouth was short and tense full of her barely controlled bitterness.

As they stopped in the bus aisle next to their assigned seats, Bea stowed her bag in the overhead storage and offered her hand to Ava, palm upturned. Guilt at her earlier outburst left a bad taste in her mouth as she handed Bea her bag. There was no way the Halo bearer could reach up to stow the bag with the injuries to her torso.

“Thanks Bea.” Ava murmured quietly, unable to meet the other woman's eyes.

Bea just nodded and gestured to Ava to take the window seat. Ava sat down stiffly and released a bottled-up sigh. Bea took her seat somewhat awkwardly, careful not to touch Ava in case that would incur further anger.

I should apologize.

Guilt gnawed at Ava as she gazed out the window at the bustling station. Before she could say anything, Bea spoke.

“Ava look, I’m sorry if I’ve done something to piss you off. I just…. you know that we have to go back, right? We can’t just ignore the call.”

Oh God, she thinks it’s her fault.

“No Bea! It’s not…Look it’s not you." Ava turned to the sister warrior quickly to reassure her.
"I just...I just wanted longer. At home that is, with you. Before being dragged back into this shit.”

“Language.” Beatrice smiling slightly, “And I understand. I wanted longer with you as well. But we have responsibilities to the order.”

“I suppose you do, being a nun and all. Doesn’t mean I do. I died for them.” Ava replied bitterly.

“Oh no Ava, I’m not a nun anymore. I recanted my vows after you... After what happened. I’m still a sister warrior, but not a sister of the church anymore.”

Ava knew her mouth had fallen open, but she couldn’t seem to close it, her mind spinning from the implications. Bea wasn’t a nun anymore. Because of her. Because she loved her more than God. Ava didn’t realize how long she had just been staring when Bea squeezed her hand.

“Are you okay with that?” Bea asked, the small smile growing a little wider.

“More than okay. I love you. And I’m sorry for being so grumpy. I'm just finding everything a bit...hard at the moment.” Bea nodded sympathetically, before lifting her arm slightly, inviting Ava in.

As the Halo bearer drew closer to Bea’s side, the taller woman put an arm around her shoulders and pressed a careful kiss onto her temple.

“I love you too. And that’s okay, I understand.” Bea replied, “Now you should try and sleep. We have a 7-hour bus ride ahead.”

Ava sighed, relaxing into Bea’s shoulder and shutting her eyes as the bus pulled away from the terminal. She would deal with the halo problem when it came time, for now she would relax and enjoy her last few hours of alone time with Bea.

~Beatrice~

The closer they got to Andalucia; the more tense Beatrice became. She hadn’t been back since Ava had gone. And she had barely spoken to the other sisters, even Camilla.  Beatrice's grief had all but consumed her, leaving no room for anyone or anything else. If she was being truthful with herself, she was also nervous of her sister’s reaction to her and Ava’s new relationship, whatever that relationship was. Years of hiding her sexuality when she was younger had made Beatrice apprehensive to share any personal part of herself.

Ava had been asleep since they pulled out of the terminal. Beatrice was pretty sure she was drooling on her shoulder, but the sister warrior didn’t mind. Ava needed the rest. The bus pulled up to the station in the small town close to the OCS headquarters. Beatrice inhaled sharply when she saw the black van parked across the street.

“Mmmmm Bea? What's going on?” Ava said, waking at Beatrice’s movement.

“We’re here.”

Ava really struggled to stand, stiff from sleeping upright in a cramped bus seat for so long. Beatrice helped her up, grasping one of her forearms and snaking her other arm around Ava’s waist.

“Are you okay?” Ava asked, noticing Beatrice’s apprehension.

Beatrice forced out a smile and nodded, “Fine.”

Ava didn’t look like she believed her, but as Beatrice started moving down the aisle of the bus towards the door, the Halo bearer was too distracted with staying upright to ask further.
They stepped out onto the pavement into the hot Spanish sun. The town was quiet, a handful of people going about their business along the cobblestone streets.

Ava was leaning against her heavily now, she needed to lie down and rest properly. Beatrice pulled the Halo bearer a little closer into her side and hustled her towards the van.

“Beatrice! Ava!” Camilla squealed in delight, emerging from the driver's door.

She ran over to give them both a hug, Beatrice quickly turned her body to shield Ava from the over enthusiastic nun.

“Careful Cam.”

“Oh, sorry Bea, is she still...?”

“I’m right here and can speak for myself.” Ava cut in; voice tight with pain.
“I’m okay, just still a little sore.” Ava continued, softening her tone as both women shared a look after her outburst.

There was an uncomfortable pause, then Camilla cleared her throat.

“Well let's get you guys home, Mother will be getting impatient.”

Beatrice nodded and helped Ava into the back of the black van. Camilla chattered away about nothing in particular as she drove them to the Cradle. Beatrice was grateful for her friend’s tact, Camilla didn’t ask any pointed questions of either of them, keeping the conversation light. Beatrice kept glancing at Ava, the Halo bearer was leaning back against the headrest, eyes shut, face pale. Beatrice was kicking herself, she knew she should have insisted that they split the journey over a few days, it had obviously been too much for the younger woman.

Beatrice felt something brush the hand on her lap. She looked down to see Ava’s hand entwining with her own. The sister warrior looked up to see Ava’s head rolled towards her, honey brown eyes open just a sliver.

“I’m okay Bea, I just need to lie down.”

Ava always seemed to have the uncanny ability to feel when Beatrice was spiraling. Beatrice nodded and gently squeezed Ava’s hand. The sooner she got the Halo bearer into bed the better, Beatrice couldn’t help blushing slightly at the thought.

Great. Now I’m embarrassing myself with my own thoughts.