Secrets and Sins

Chapter 17

~Beatrice~

Ava’s twitching woke her in the early hours of the morning. Beatrice turned over so that she could see the other woman. Though they had fallen asleep wrapped around each other, at some point during the night they had drifted apart in the bed. Ava was lying on her back, the sheets low on her hips after being kicked off. Beatrice could see the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

“Ava?” Beatrice whispered gently, trying not to scare her.

The Halo bearer whimpered writhing slightly before rolling towards her. Ava’s face was twisted into a grimace, a couple of tears leaking from the corners of her tightly shut eyes.

“Ava, you're okay, you're just having a nightmare.” Beatrice tried again, reaching towards the sleeping woman.

Ava rolled over again with a whine, this time facing away from Beatrice. The new position revealed the halo flickering in the darkness of their room, golden light spilling out from the edges of the bandage on Ava’s back.

Oh no.

“Ava! You need to wake up.” Beatrice commanded urgently, sitting up on the bed and touching the Halo bearer’s shoulder.

Quick as a flash Ava threw her arm back, elbow connecting hard with Beatrice’s jaw. The sister warrior recoiled with a cry of pain, tasting blood. Beatrice raised a hand to her lip, feeling the spilt before pulling her hand away, gazing at her fingertips covered in blood. When she looked up, Ava was observing her, golden eyes glowing in the darkness. Beatrice got up slowly, standing beside the bed, pressing a finger down on the cross necklace laying on the bedside table.

I need backup.

Ava cocked her head to the side, surveying the sister warrior’s every movement, before rising off the bed herself.

“Ava, I know you’re in there. You need to fight it.”

If this cold empty Ava heard her, she didn’t show it. Instead, she raised her hand, just like at the mall. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Beatrice felt her blood run cold, she was going to kill her.

Come on Baby, I know you can do it.

“Ava. If you can hear me. It’s okay, I don’t blame you.” Beatrice murmured.

The sister warrior watched as Ava turned her hand, so her palm was facing Beatrice. Swallowing thickly, Beatrice saw the muscle in the Halo bearer’s arm tense, she closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable. But nothing happened.

Beatrice opened her eyes to see Ava turning her golden eyes down to her own hand, examining it with an almost confused expression.

“Not so easy to get Ava to kill me, is it?” Beatrice smiled, relief washing over her, Ava must be in there somewhere otherwise she would already be dead.

Abruptly Beatrice was thrown up against the wall behind her, a hand tight around her throat. The Halo bearer had crossed the room so quickly she had been a blur. The sister warrior wheezed, clawing at the achingly familiar hand that had an iron grip on her windpipe. The hand that earlier today had caressed her with such care and tenderness.

“Ava.” Beatrice choked out, staring into the unwavering gold eyes.

The hand tightened a fraction lifting Beatrice’s feet off the ground. Spots appearing in the sister warrior’s vision, Beatrice tried to pull in air through her nose, but with her windpipe being crushed nothing was reaching her lungs. Her thoughts became sluggish as her brain was slowly starved of oxygen, darkness creeping into the edges of her sight.

One more try.

Beatrice summoned the last of her breath, “Ava…I love you.”

Several things happened at once.

Firstly, the Halo faltered, followed by Ava’s hand dropping from her throat to rest on her chest. Ava blinked, the eerie golden light fading back to the familiar warm honey brown.

“Bea?”

Beatrice managed to gasp in a breath as the door slammed open, the room flooding with heavily armed sister warriors. Every single one of the nuns levelled their weapons at the Halo bearer.

“No! Stand down!” Beatrice shouted, voice hoarse.
“Ava.” She continued softly reaching out to the other woman.

Ava staggered away from her, tripping over her own feet in her desperation to put some distance between them. She was staring at the blood on her hands, at Beatrice’s blood.

“What did I do?” She pleaded, looking up at the sister warrior. Her face was white as a sheet, she dropped to her knees.

“What did I do Bea?”

~Ava~

Ava had been in the cell for little over a day, she hadn't had anything to eat or drink or showered, but she didn't care.

As long as I don’t hurt anyone else.

The Halo bearer was sitting on the floor in the corner of the cell, resting her chin on her knees which were up against her chest. She was at Dr Salvius’ institute, the cell was reinforced with a faraday cage type structure that could contain the Halo’s power (in theory). She was still wearing her pajamas, a white tank top and long cotton pants with little sheep printed on them. Bea had brought them for her in Switzerland, knowing Ava would love the sheep's little speech bubble, 'I'm sheepy'. Ava pushed away thoughts of the sister warrior, the horror at what she had done threatening to swallow her.

The halo throbbed on her back, Ava embraced it, she deserved the pain.
Mother Superior hadn’t forced her to be locked away, Ava had insisted.  No one visited her except for Mother Superior and Doctor Salvius, Ava had requested it that way. She didn’t think she could face anyone else after what happened, especially Bea.

Not that Ava could really remember what happened. She had been having a nightmare, a terribly distorted memory of blasting the nuns in the medical wing and when she came to, Ava had Bea pinned against the wall by the throat. Bea’s blood on her hands, Ava shuddered as she looked at the red stains on her knuckles. She clenched her fists, digging her nails into the skin of her palms, using the sting of pain to ground herself.

"Ava, can I get you some food or water?" Dr Salvius asked as she entered the room, tablet in hand.

"I'm fine."

"Okay. Um. Beatrice is here again, asking to visit you." The Doctor shuffled uncomfortably.

"I don't want to see her." Ava said quickly.

"Tough shit." The sister warrior growled as she entered.

The two women stared at each other in silence, the tension suddenly heavy in the room.

"Ah, I'll leave you two to talk." Dr Salvius muttered awkwardly, before practically running out of the room.

Ava broke the uneasy eye contact first burying her face into her knees.

"I don't want to talk."

She heard Bea approach the cell, pulling the one chair in the room over so she could sit in front of the glass.

"Ava."

Ava shook her head against her knees, refusing to lift her head.

"Ava don't make me come in there."

"You can't. It's not safe." Ava yelped, finally looking up.

Bea was looking at her with a mixture of sadness and frustration. Ava felt sick to her stomach when she noticed the split in the other woman's bottom lip. Bea was dressed in black jeans and a high collared white shirt. Ava knew that the collar hid the horrible bruises the Halo bearer's hands had caused. Tears pricked at Ava's eyes.

"It's not your fault Ava." Bea whispered, knowing what the other woman was thinking.

Ava was quiet, she turned away to face the floor picking absently on a thread at the edge of her pajama pants. She was trying to suppress the wave of emotion threatening to overflow.

"I'm going to be fine." Bea continued
"And I don't blame you for any of it."

"I should have controlled it." Ava snarled, finally letting the bottled-up emotion out.

"You were asleep, how were you supposed to control it?" Bea replied gently, refusing to let Ava drag her into a fight.

"I don't know, but I should've. I should've chained myself up or...or slept somewhere else or not slept at all." The Halo bearer felt anger and pain roll through her.

"Should've, could’ve, would've. None of that matters. What matters is what you do now. You can't give up."

Ava gaze snapped up to the sister warrior, she jumped to her feet, facing down the other woman, anger bubbling over.

"I'm not giving up; I'm keeping everyone safe from the monster this fucking thing turns me into." Ava hated that she was crying now, she didn't want sympathy.

I don't deserve sympathy.

"Ava, listen to me." Bea demanded rising from her seat and stepping forward, so she was face to face with Ava through the glass.

"You are not a monster, you never were. Reya is using you for her own sick agenda. None of this is your fault."

Ava was silent. Considering Bea's words.

"Would you call me a monster for the church using me to kill people? At least you didn't have a choice." Bea's voice cracked on the last sentence.

Ava's harsh gaze softened, her rage subsided to nothing, all that was left was exhaustion. She didn't want to argue with Bea anymore.

"You're not a monster Bea." She said softly.

"Neither are you." The sister warrior retorted.

Ava didn't know if she quite accepted those words yet but nodded anyway.

"But I am dangerous."

Bea sighed, conceding that point. She lifted her hand to place it on the glass.

"Can you please just be open with me? Don't shut me out when you're feeling like this, I don't think…I don't think my heart can take it." Bea whispered, tears welling up.

God I'm a terrible person.

"I'll try Bea, I'm sorry. I was just trying to protect you."

"We can protect each other."

Ava nodded, lifting her hand and placing it against the glass over the sister warrior's.

"Okay."