"It started with my dad," Hayden explains, we're laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I'm holding on to him as if he's an old friend I haven't seen in years.
A few minutes ago, I asked him to tell me why he hurts himself. It took him a while to be able to answer but he's answering now.
"He used to burn me." He looks at me, to read my face, see if I'm disgusted. But I give him nothing. I stare into the ceiling like it's something I've never seen before. "He would do it every time I did something wrong. Every time I messed up his plans, got in his way, or even just when he was bored."
"But why do you do it to yourself?" I ask him.
He looks back at the ceiling. "I know, it's disgusting of me but, I don't feel the same when I'm not having pain inflicted on me," he pauses, I think he's trying to hold in his tears. "so, I burn myself. It's horrible, I know. I guess it's just my way of, I don't know, reminding myself where I came from. Who I am."
The tears are welling up in my eyes again. Before I can say anything, Hayden does.
"I shouldn't have burdened you with my problems. I'm sorry," he says trying to get up, trying to leave the room, leave me.
I grab his hand and pull him down. Without realizing I pull him down into me. He lands on top of me, face near my chest, hands, holding himself up, just above my shoulders.
"Sorry," I whisper, I'm not really sorry. "But you can't leave me."
"Adeline—"
"No. I don't trust you anymore. Your staying here," I demand.
"Oh yeah?" He asks, raising his eyebrows. "Says who?" The tears in both of our eyes are forgotten.
"S-says your future queen..." I stutter, nervous.
"Future queen?" He asks, lowering his head. We're half inches apart. I feel his knee inbetween my legs, pressing hard against my thigh.
"H-Hayden—"
"Didn't someone tell you something about using that as a way to get your way?" He asks, a whisper in my ear. His voice is so soothing I almost forget he's asking a question.
The answer to that question is yes. He did, not too long ago. But am I going to admit that? No.
"No," I answer, no stutter in my words. I'm watching for stutters, catching them before they leave my mouth.
"Really?" He asks, staring down at my lips. "I'm pretty sure a certain someone told you, you were an entitled brat who doesn't rule anything yet? Don't you remember? It brought you right back to your senses." He licks his lips ever so slightly, I hardly even realize he's licking his lips.
I'm too nervous to answer the question, scared what it may lead to. I don't know if I want Hayden to stay or leave, continue or stop. So I don't do anything.
I bite my bottom lip as I watch Hayden, he hasn't moved his eyes away from my lips. His knee starts sliding up.
"H-Hayden."
"Hm?"
His knee stops just under my p*ssy. I can't think anymore. Don't know how to talk. Can't.
"I-I don't want it to go like this," I say, another stutter escaping my lips. D*mn it.
"Okay," he says getting off of me and immediately stopping, he lays next to me and looks at the ceiling, not complaining or confused about my decision at all.
"Hayden?"
"Yeah?"
"It's not that I don't want it," I say, blush hot on my cheeks. I stare at the ceiling to distract myself from the embarrassing words coming out of my mouth. "I just..."
"Don't want it to be on the night you caught me hurting myself." Not a question, an understanding statement.
"Yes... but I promise—"
"No. Don't promise anything. That will make you think you owe me this. You don't. It won't make me stop hurting myself, so don't, okay?"
I nod. I wish not could be that easy. My virginity for his promise to not hurt himself. Me for his addiction. But it's not. And I need to pull myself together.
"Good," he says. He looks at me and reads my face. "Adeline," he says, turning my head to face him. Centimeters. "When the time comes, when we both want it, that's when it will happen. You don't need to force anything, I won't force anything."
"Hayden, we're not even dating," I say. His face flashes with an emotion, sadness? But it disappears as fast as it appears and I don't have time to fully comprehend it.
Then he smiles, a teeny tiny little smile. He mutters something so quietly I can't hear it. I wish I could hear it.
"Do you like me?" I ask him.
"Adeline," he answers, our faces are still only centimeters apart. "That's not fair."
"How? How is it not fair? Yes or no?" I ask.
"Adeline, if you have to ask that question, I'm not the one for you."
"What? Why?" I have no idea what he's talking about.
"If a guy likes you, he should make it obvious, yes?"
He has a point.
"Yes."
"So if you have to ask that question, I'm confusing you. You shouldn't be confused."
"Interesting." I smile.
"Very." A smile back.
I don't think I'm confused anymore.
I roll onto my back. Our faces are no longer centimeters apart. For some reason it feels wrong this way, like maybe we should be centimeters away all the time.
What has gotten into me tonight?
Hayden stays in the same position. I can feel him watching me.
"Try to sleep, Hayden."
"Okay."
"Goodnight." A word I used to tell Sonya every night. It carries so much more value now.
"Goodnight, Adeline."
After a few minutes I hear Hayden's soft breaths as he sleeps, feel his warm breath on my shoulder. He must have been exhausted. I wonder what made him have the impulse to hurt himself, or was it something he did every night at that time?
I clear my head of the nasty questions my brain comes up with.
I need to sleep tonight.
Word count: 1044
7-23-23
6:34
(Not revised)
Hayden and Adeline? Any shippers? 😉
Have a nice day/night ❤️
YOU ARE READING
Royal love
RomanceAdeline Palmer, the crown Princess of France, was sent to a boarding school after someone attempted her life. Suddenly, a few months into her stay at the school, people start going missing and turning up dead a few days later, tortured to death. Wh...
