Royal love

Chapter 81

"What's the matter?" He asks taking a slow step into the room.

I open my mouth to talk but can only stammer a letter. I'm so shook by what I'm seeing, what my brain knows but won't let me remember, so many emotions are flooding my body, I don't know what to do.

Hayden follows my eyes to the picture frame and looks back at me. He seems to be confused for a second before I watch his face light up as it clicks in his mind through my peripheral vision.

"Your father..." he says connecting all the dots.

The flood gates opened in my head. I felt a rush of water fill my brain.

My brother wrote about our father going to the meetings...

I have vivid memories of him leaving for them after fights about going with my mother...

I remember watching him bringing the gangs to his office and not coming out for hours. I was too young to stay up late enough to see them come out but Alex wasn't. He had seen them. He knew.

He knew everything.

My father, is he the root of all of this? Is he the leader of all the gangs or just a  participant?

Was being the king of France not enough for him? Was it too much? Is that why he did this?

He tore our family apart. Ruined his relationship with his wife, got Alex killed, got me sent to a boarding school and kidnapped after all kinds of pain build-up.

I'm no longer crying tears of sadness, these tears, they're tears of rage. These tears are my silent screams. What I would have told him had I known what he was doing.

Look what he has done. Is he still alive to have to deal with it?

Is he still alive to simmer in the depression he has caused?

Is my mother still alive to be able to fix it? I don't know if anyone else can.

She's always been the fixer.

Every time our father would get angry, throw things at us, scream at us, hit us, lock us up, she would help us. She would make us cookies and fill tall glasses of milk so we could eat our weight in chocolate chip cookies and drink our tears in milk until our hearts were content again.

And she did it again and again. Each time our father lost it on us, or her.

I never thanked her.

A knife stabs through my heart at the thought.

What if I never can?

I feel uncontrollable sobbing coming, I feel it growing in my eyes, throat, nose. I feel it ringing in my head.

Hayden hugs me from behind, his arm wraps around my waist and he rests his head on mine. I lean into the hug and try not to focus on the negative. My mother has to be alive. She has to be.

That's what I tell myself.

Get yourself together. You have things to do.

That's what my maid, Mrs Lee, used to tell me when I didn't want to get out of bed. And it's what I'm telling myself now so I can calm down.

I take a deep breath and collect myself.

"Thanks," I say patting Hayden's arms to signal for him to let go. He does and backs up. I turn to face him. "My
father—"

"Was a part of a gang. I know."

"How could you—" before the question even fully leaves my mouth I realize the stupidity of it, but he answers anyway, midway through my sentence, which urks me a little since he's done it twice in a row now.

"My father was the leader," he says mater-of-factly.

"Wait.." I trip on my own thoughts. Hayden patiently waits for me to collect myself again with a gentle smile on his face. "He was the leader?" I ask.

Hayden bites his bottom lip and nods. "I guess I never told you."

"I should have known."

"How could you have?" He asks. "I didn't tell you!" He somewhat laughs at himself.

"I should have put it together. You told me all the bits in pieces, you practically spelled it out for me."

"Then I didn't give you a letter. That completely changes the words."

Now, I bite my bottom lip. I feel bad for not having known, nobody else in gangs gets your tired that extremely by their father, usually gang members join against their family's will not because of their families. I should have known.

"Don't beat yourself up about it." Hayden puts his arm around my shoulder and leads me out of the room.

I nod.

We don't say anything else and separate once we get to Graysons torn up living room. Everyone is up and recovered mostly, except for poor Sam. Everyone else is playing card games while she sleeps. Hayden joins in.

I decide to take a walk.

I need one.

"You don't want to join us?" Grayson asks as I reject a hand of cards. "Suit yourself," he shrugs.

I open the door and walk out, the fresh air hits me. I close my eyes and soak it in. This feeling has never changed. No matter where I am. Forever, when I get hit with a gust of wind, I feel calm.

Once I open my eyes, I shiver and smile. Snow. I watch it fall so slowly I feel like time has stopped.

I take my first few steps and get in a nice rhythm.

Before I know it, I have walked so far from the shack of a house, that I'm lost.

I try going back where I came from and am left in a completely different neighborhood. Panic starts to set in. What if I get kidnapped again? This wasn't a good idea, I'm a princes for f*ck sake! A missing one, on top of that. I'm not normal, I can't do things like this.

Before I panic too much I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

When I open them, I'm ready to try to find my way back again.

word count: 1026
(Not revised)
12-19-23
5:56 pm
Sorry for not posting on so long guys, and sorry for the sad chapter but I'm on a roll 😭
Guys this book is almost a year old howww😭