The haunting Love: That is Unrequited

Lead Up to Graduation

It was leading up to graduation and seniors were in their final exam period. In the past couple of months, Zhang had a new teacher aid, who had been helping me much more than Zhang. He was kind and very good at explaining the equations we needed for the final assessment task. During tutoring, he was the one helping and Zhang often was in the staffroom. When he did come in to check on things, I would try and show off how my knowledge was expanding and my ability to understand concepts was better. I was trying to seem mature and not as needy after the eisteddfod incident. It seemed to be working- distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? He seemed to be watching me more, even in class everyone would call on Zhang, and I could call on the teacher aid, who I had become good enough friends with that I called him by his first name. Whenever I did, I saw Zhang look up from whoever he was helping and glance if only for a second in my direction. After getting the needed help and if he was free, Zhang would come over to check what I had asked for help with and check my answers. I could tell from his eyebrows raises, that he was impressed at how I had progressed during the year. While I was getting help still, just less from Zhang, we were growing apart and I knew it was about the upcoming plans he had made with Kiya. In the upcoming weeks, we also had alumni choir members join for our graduation and awards night. During choir practices Kiya would sit next to me and chat with Zhang and our chorister during breaks. One afternoon Zhang had to leave earlier than usual and Kiya walked out early too. As he walked past, I called him over, he walked over and knelt down next to me, I moved closer to whisper in his ear a stupid question about our assignment and tutoring. I made sure I was close enough that he felt my breath but not too close to be inappropriate. As he turned his head slightly to respond, our faces were so close but I didn't shy away. "Tomorrow morning, I won't be in early, but Hayden will be." I let myself imagine there was disappointment in his voice, but he promptly stood up as he realised how close we had been for a little too long, and waved as he walked out. I smiled and waved back as he left the room.

After finishing our rehearsal, I walked out and joined Kiya, where she informed me that Zhang had cancelled their movie date. "He said that he can't do it because you're my sister, and his student." I tried to keep my face straight, though inside, I was giddy, I was screaming. The control Kiya had, the grip she had on my heart, was starting to fade. We got home and Kiya and I recounted to Mum all that had happened that afternoon. After Kiya left the room, Mum and I stared at each other and I let my smile spread across my face and I lay on the bed next to mum whispering my excitement of Kiya rejection. I could tell she was disappointed, but she was never really invested. I was able to let go of some of those ugly feelings and feel a little free.

...

That evening Mum, Kiya and I went to Officeworks. Soon it was going to be graduation and awards night and Zhang's birthday. I was determined to buy one of the nicest pens I could so Zhang would stop asking to borrow pens, I even went to have it engraved with 'A. Zhang' so that he wouldn't lend it out to others so easily, that when he used it, he would think of me.