atsushi angst oneshots

thunder and lightening

TW: SELF HARM, BLOOD AND POSSIBLE OTHER SENSITIVE TOPICS

atsushi hated storms. he in fact loathed them. they were loud. he associated anything loud with pain. he expected the pain. People would laugh if they knew, so he didn't tell them. he kept it to himself.

it was on a Tuesday, dazai forced him to do all of his work and he had his own to do on top of that. however, other then that there wasn't to much. the only sort of issue was the fact akutagawa walked in around 9:30 to work on a case with yosano (they seemed to get along alright from what atsushi could see). from there things just tumbled down like a pile of bricks.

he had finished his own work (with heavy struggle thanks to akutagawas now and again interference) when enraged clouds stormed across the sky. faints sound of thunder and lightening echoed through the empty streets as rain gushed from the clouds above. atsushis body freezed as he heard the first form of thunder. his heart rate picking up and breathing became slightly uneven. remembering he was still in the agency, he quickly calmed himself, scared of people thinking too lowly of him

dazai, who was still doing absolutely nothing besides trying to annoy anyone in hearing range, saw the other actions.<br />
'awwww are you scared atsushi-kun~~???' he said in a heavy teasing manner while raising and lowering his eyebrows just to tease him a little more.

'no' atsushi replied quickly, to quickly, showing he was, infact, scared, terrified even.

dazai simply responded with a questioning gaze, not believing him, before shrugging his shoulders before happily humming as he returned to his weird antics.

atsushi let out a quiet sigh, it quickly being interrupted by the sound of thunder where he let out a whimper. putting his hand over head and ear in a protective manner. his spinny chair slightly moving back as he brought his knees towards his chest.

realising what he did he became embarrassed almost instantly, pulling his body apart for the little ball he'd created to continue with the work he was so, unfortunately, been gaslit into doing.

as time went on the thunder became significantly louder and the lightning  became significantly closer and more dangerous. each time he'd flinch, letting out an occasional whimper, and whenever it got really loud he'd cover his head while trembling.

besides dazais earlier comment, no one had said anything about it despite the sympathetic glances. that was until a boom of thunder hit. this one was loud. way louder then all of the others that they had heard already.

atsushi immediately fell out his chair in fear, before backing himself into a corner and sobbing uncontrollable. he tried to keep himself quiet, knowing that if he was loud he'd be punished, just like the head master did to him. the agency building morphed into the orphanage and he could see the headmaster looming above him. he could hear the insults the man was screaming.

useless

whore

pathetic

disgusting

crybaby

over and over again. the insults repeated and strangled him. Pulling at his hair til it bled, rocking himself subtly back and forth, his sobbing became loud. his actions became erratic. scratching at his skin as the memories sank deep into his skin. feeding off his pain and suffering. tear after tear fell down his face, snot collecting down his face as he cried hysterically. his vision blurred as the tears kept on collecting repeatedly

arms engulfed him. warm. it was so warm. this was a hug right? that's what dazai called it. the crying stopped. his breathing calming almost instantly. he felt so safe. his vision cleared and he could see who was hugging him.

it was akutagawa.

knowing that he started to apologise, scared akutgawa would hurt him or mock him if he continued to be weak and useless.

'why are you apologising?' akutagawa queried, he paused for a brief moment 'you didn't do anything wrong'.

atsushi was thoroughly confused. 'I disrupted everyone and I was being stupid and inconsiderate, so I'm sorry' his voice cracked, as he whispered out his sentence.

'all you did was surprise a few people, you didn't do anything, I promise' akutagawa said gently

his tone held great concern and so did his eyes, he was being sincere though everyone could see that. he pulled atsushi back into a hug before standing up still hugging him and walked out. whispering words of confirmation and set of for the journey back to akutagawas House.