atsushi angst oneshots

You saved his life.

TW: SELF HARM, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, TALK OF SUICIDE, POSSIBLE OTHER TRIGGERS, DONT READ IF YOU ARENT SENSITIVE TO SUCH TOPICS

A/N: sorry this is late, i pulled a muscle in my chest which put me in agnoy everytime i tried to move a mm which i then had to go to hospital, sorry broskis <333 anyway ranpo brother figure ig, idk. its pretty rushed at the end but i hope you enjoy!

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atsushi hated himself. he resented himself. everything about him he hated. he was tired. he couldn't deal with the stress if work, which lead to scars and wounds. it only made his self hatred worse. it got to a point he planed on killing himself the moment he arrived home.

dazai was being his typical self. he had just been retrieved from his most recent suicide attempt by tanizaki. the brunette had walked up to atsushi and just started complaining and whining about how he failed and just overall venting to atsushi.

pressure.

without a thought, atsushi abruptly stood up from his desk a face of frustration on his face. he was clearly irritated and sick of dazais constant pestering and yapping.

walking into the agency's bathroom, he took the phone case off his phone. the familiar bloodied blade awaiting him, full of anticipation. comfort, the blade provided atsushi comfort. but was it really comfort if he was bleeding out on the ground?

pressing the blade against his wrist in horizontal cuts, a wave of relief washing over him.

one

two

three

four

five

six.

seven..

eight...

ni-

in the middle of the ninth cut, a voice called out. a concerned and curious voice. ranpo. the voice belonged to ranpo.

"atsushi? are you alright?" ranpo asked softly, leaning against the side of the door.

"uh- y-yeah I'm fine" he cursed himself for stuttering, promising to add another cut later for it.

"are you sure? you seemed a bit frustrated when you walked out" ranpo never expressed such concerns, he knew. didn't he.

"yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out soon!" the silver haired male tried seeming happy and fine. that there was nothing wrong.

"do you need anything?" he asked, already anticipating the answer.

"can't you get some bandages from yosano for me, I caught my arm on the lock" atsushi responded, trying his best not to sound too suspicious.

"yeah, I'll be right back..." he whispered through the door, the sound of his footsteps walking away ringing in atsushis ears.

nine

ten

eleven.
twelve..

thirteen...

four-

"atsushi, can you open the door so I can hand you the bandages?" his voice was so soft and caring.

"yeah, give me a minute ranpo!" atsushi replied quickly, pulling down his sleeves so ranpo couldn't see the cuts.

he opened the door, peaking round and reaching his hand out for the bandages. ranpo placed then gently on his hand before speaking again.

"if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

"does that include asking for sweets?" he joked

"I guess..." ranpo grumbled, crossing his arms and slightly pouting at the thought of loosing precious sweets.

"I was just joking ranpo-san!" he laughed softly, before pausing and continuing. "I'll be out in a bit!" he closed the door as soon as he finished talking, locking it behind himself.

"alrighty! see ya soon atsushi~!" ranpo said cheerfully, walking away once again.

atsushi immediately washed the wounds in the sink, wrapping them up in bandages. he was overreacting. he could feel it.

securing the bandages and pulling down his sleeve, he walked out back into the main part if the agency. he got a few stares from dazai as well was other members but he chose to try and ignore them.

ranpo came up behind him, placing a bag of sweets on his desk.

"atsushi, I thought you'd like these. they're really good!" he said happily before lowering his voice just so atsushi could hear him, and no one else. "you also haven't eaten in a couple of days, so eat them all up"

ranpo smiled, standing up from his bent over position and walking over to his desk. atsushi relieved a few stares of confusion and bewilderment, considering that fact ranpo was actually sharing his sweets with someone.

other then that, dazai had seemed to back off, not talking to atsushi unless necessary. it was definitely weird. yosano tried asking ranpo what happened, but he just responded with atsushi made up lie, 'he caught himself on the lock'.

the day seemed to slow and the end of the day seemed to take forever and he was more then ready. ready to take his own life. to be free from this dreadful body.

"good night, everyone. bye!" he waved as he begun walking out.

"see you tomorrow atsushi!" ranpo called out, waving back with a small, forced smile on his face.

most of the agency sent him sweet waves, wishing him well as he walked out. usually atsushi would respond back with, 'see you tomorrow!' but today... he didn't. taht immediately made everyone worried and concerned. he always repeated it back, without fail.

"ranpo, what's happening?" dazai asked, confused. ranpo just stayed silent. "ranpo, what's wrong with atsushi?"

silence. the whole agency was silent.

"he's going to kill himself."

the apartment complex the agency used wasn't far from teh agency its self. so by the time ranpo had confessed what was going to happen atsushi had already set everything up and was ready to take the final set.

a quick and repeating banging on the door.

"atsushi-kun~~~~" dazai called out through the door. "open up!"

"dazai, shut up. you'll scare the poor kid" kunikida said, his voice clearly frustrated with dazais behaviour.

he couldn't kill himself knowing they were outside. they'd probably save him before he could die anyway.

he closed his bedroom door, hiding the noose hanging from his ceiling.

walking to the front door and opening it, greeting his guests.

dazai stayed the night. he kept repeating how beautiful atsushi was.

a surprise visit and atsushi life had been saved. moment away from disaster. atsushis life had been saved, by the main reason he didn't want it.