atsushi angst oneshots

One comment can cause a death

TW SH, CHARACTER DEATH, WIRTTEN IM PERSPECTIVE OF SME HARMING THEMSELF, MENTION OF BLOOD, ED MENTIONS AND IMPLICATIONS, BODY SHAMING

a/n: surpringsly the curse of fanfic writers hasn't come for me this time! I'm 52 days clean from sh and I'm feeling pretty good. so in response (and because I can't sleep and it's 2am) I have gifted you all with a new chapter. I hope you enjoy it and thank you for being patient for updates <33

each cut brings instant relief. for me, immediately after a cut. one that bleeds and gushes, it causes such joy and happiness. I know it shouldn't. I know. but the pure pain, agony and throbbing feeling of it brings a smile to my pale and drained face.

Sat on my bed, the old blanket that's full of crumbs from the food I've been eating on it, scrapped and rubbed on my skin causing my discomfort. pressing the blade deeper and deeper with each cut. at this point my skin was covered entirely by blood and I couldn't even see my skin.

I wasn't even crying. no tears were staining my cheeks anymore. I was empty. drained. drained of everything.

my throat was sore and scratchy from forcing myself to throw up all the food I had ate. I still felt sick, as though I may be sick again. saliva and sick was still clinging to my chin from where i had the inability and lack of care to remove it.

I was 50 days clean. not a singular wound had been added. that was until someone made a stupid fucking comment.

a couple of hours ago I was at the ada, writing a report. I was at my desk and at the time dazai and kunikida were talking with a client. it was a middle age woman talking about a robbery.

dazai was, as usual, was fusing over and flirting with the woman and kunikida was trying to drag him off.

"Atsushi! can you talk to her for a bit I need to talk with dazai" kunikida shouted as he stormed out not even giving me a choice.

sighing, I stood up and headed over to her.

"uh hello, I'm atsushi. what's your name?" I asked, trying to be polite.

"aren't you chubby" the woman spoke with disgust. her eyes filled with such a sicking and suffocating disgust.

a lump caught in my throat, my eyes starting to water. all I could think of was the headmaster. she had the same hair, same coloured eyes, same height and the same painful insult that sent me in a spiral of pain and overthinking.
"w-what?"  I said quietly, my voice uneven and wavering.

"I said your chubby. your overweight. have you tried dieting? maybe forcing yourself to throw it up? you really shouldn't be eating with a weight like that" she scoffed.

I want to jump out the window.

this was so embarrassing!

"I agree with her atsushi" yosanos voice echoed out. "your starting to be a bit overweight and it would be very helpful on missions."

that's stupid fucking woman!

here I am, now sat on my bed and bleeding out. my stomach empty, my body soon to be drained of any and all blood. I felt faint. my eyes were closing and I could feel myself falling into a deep sleep. I didn't even leave a note...