"I don't want to be here."
"I'm aware of how dark things are for you Mr Barrow," Doctor Clarkson told him
"Are you? Does anyone know how hard it is for me?"
"You've given then a very good idea. I have stitches your wounds up Mr Barrow, but you need rest."
"And what about the rest of me?"
"I am only a doctor. But I have done something to help with the darkness."
"Have you?"
"Come in James," Doctor Clarkson said and Thomas looked over. James stepped into the room and a small ray of light entered him.
"Jimmy."
"Thomas."
"He will be alright medically Mr Kent. But he needs some help to come out of the darkness in which he finds himself."
"I can see that."
"Mr Barrow," Doctor Clarkson said as he turned to him. "It may not be my place, but the family were shocked and ashamed by your actions."
"I'll believe that when I see it."
"It's true," James added, stepping towards Thomas. "Lord Grantham was very regretful and sympathetic when they let me in. The should have been kinder to you."
"The servants also feel the same. Mrs Baxter was not surprised, but Mrs Hughes and Mr Parker were incredibly shocked when they found you."
"So they were the ones that found me?"
"Yes. If it wasn't for Mrs Baxter checking on you when she did, you would have died."
"I should have died," Thomas said and Doctor Clarkson looked at James.
"I will be back at 6pm. Give me a call if he worsens."
"I will. Thank you doctor," James said and Doctor Clarkson left. "I would ask you how you are but..." James said and Thomas smiled. "A smile is good," James said as he sat beside Thomas. "I can't believe that you were been driven to this Thomas."
"I am Thomas to you?"
"Of course you are."
"It is good to see you again Jimmy."
"I can came as soon as Mrs Hughes sent the telegram."
"Mrs Hughes contacted you?"
"She did. People do not wish you harm in this house Thomas, as much as you think bad of them."
"I do not think bad of them," Thomas said before he looked down. "I'm just ashamed of what I am. I want to belong. I do."
"Mrs Hughes also said in her telegram that you had injected yourself, and took some pills?" James asked and Thomas closed his eyes as a tear ran down his face.
"I did. I made myself sick and..."
"Thomas," James said as he put his hand on-top of Thomas's. Thomas paused and looked at him, more tears falling down his face. He put his hand on James's before he moved them both away. "I'm sorry, was that painful?"
"More than I care to admit."
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright. I only have myself to blame."
"You can be a hard person to like Thomas. But you have a big heart, when you want to show it."
"Like when I rescued you you mean?"
"I do. And when you kept my secret. And you saved Lady Edith from the fire."
"Stop making me feel better Jimmy."
"That's what I'm here for is it not?"
"It is not. I tried to take my own life. Now, I need to finish the job."
"The doctor's stitched you up. Mr Parker, Mrs Hughes and Mrs Baxter saved your life. You would not do them a disservice?"
"I did them a disservice when I started cutting my wrists with that knife."
"Thomas, I am so sorry. You should not be ashamed to who you are."
"But I am. It's illegal, and every time I try to be myself I am punished for it."
"I am sorry that I turned against you."
"Don't be. I kissed you while you were sleeping, and it never should have happened. And Mrs O'Brien put you up to it."
"Your old friend."
"She is no longer my friend. When I tried to change who I was, I became sick and Mrs Baxter helped me. Quite a few of them did."
"People do care about you Thomas," James said and Thomas went quiet. "Alright, you can focus on the fact that I care about you," James said and Thomas took his hand.
"Do you mean that Jimmy?"
"I do. In fact I mean to do more for you Thomas," James said and he took Thomas's hand in return. "If you want to, or if you are dismissed. I want you to come to London. I have a house there now, and I have a wife," James was quick to add. "But you would be more than welcome to stay with us for as long as you need. I will help with money and clothes until you find a job and you can more forward."
"You mean that Jimmy?" Thomas said as tears shone in his eyes.
"I do. You have done a lot for me, and I would return the favour to see become you well again."
"Thank you. Thank you Jimmy."
"Try to get some rest. I will stay for you, and to make sure that you don't do anything."
"Alright Jimmy," Thomas said and he closed his eyes.
