I'm a goth

My Day Off

It had been a week since I had got the job at Bennys. It wasn't terrible, but it was exhausting. Good thing it was my day off today. I did not feel like going in. I actually wanted to chill with my favorite nonconformist people.

I got up going through the normal routine of the morning. I rushed it a bit grabbing a pair of black skinny jeans, and a white long sleeved shirt. Not the normal attire, but it was the usual color palette. I then grabbed my cross, and put it round my neck while turning towards my makeup to get that over with as well.

I ran downstairs after dressing while brushing my hair. Afterwards leaving the brush in the downstairs bathroom on my way to the kitchen to make coffee. As it brewed I pulled out a cigarette from the pack I kept on the counter, and lit it. I took a drag just as the coffee maker dinged to let me know it was doing the job it was made to do.

I giddily walked towards it to pour myself a cup. I added my usual amount of milk, and sugar then took a sip. It was like a little piece of a place less than hell. This morning was turning out perfect. I poured the rest of my coffee in a portable container, and put my cup in the sink.

I then left my house, and walked down the street to Henrietta's. It was as disturbingly cheery as always. The houses outside being to neighborhood standards. Henrietta's mom was such a conformist.

I walked up to the door, and knocked on it softly. Few seconds later Henrietta's mother answered the door. She had a giant grin on her face, and told me my fellow daughter of darkness was upstairs. As were the guys. I nodded, and walked past her up.

Stopping at Henrietta's door I turned to knock on her door. Though didn't get the chance to, because the door swung open just as I was about to. Firkle was there looking up at me intently. I smiled weakly, and he did the same. He then took my hand, and led me into the room to sit with everyone.

Michael looked disinterested, Pete nodded in acknowledgement, and Henrietta just took a hit off her cigarette while slightly grinning at me. It seemed like they all had something to say. As to what it might be I was oblivious, but I was hoping they'd say something soon because the silence was pure torture.

I sat down, and Firkle patted my shoulder while sitting down next to me. Probably sensing the tension in the air. I didn't understand what I had did wrong, but I wanted to know. I didn't know how to speak up about it though. So I just sat there awkwardly in silence.
While Michael kept catching my eye then looking away, and Henrietta kept smiling like a black cat at me.

I sighed, and pulled a cigarette from the pack I had brought with me. Then I turned back to the bag I had gotten the pack from, and retrieved my lucky lighter. I flicked it to life, and lit my cigarette. Taking the most needed drag of my life. It was such a relief to let the rush of nicotine hit me.

I stared at all of them, and felt as if I was being judged. I suddenly got extremely pissed. I hated being judged. I used that energy to direct a far to calm, "What" to all of them. Then afterwards feeling as if I would cry.

I hope it wasn't the cuts on my body. They're not me. They are the hate from this pointless world. I suddenly couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there.

I got up as fast as I could, and walked as calmly as I could manage out of that room. Trying to hold back tears just until I was out of that room, and a little farther away from that house. I felt numb, and wondered if I had lost the only place I thought I belonged. With the goths.

At that thought tears streamed down my face. I was so weak. I couldn't even hold back tears. I hated this life. Why was it so hard to live? Why did it leave me all alone?

As I wallowed in my emotional pain I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around not really caring who it was. If somebody had the guts to kill me they'd be doing the world a favor at this point. I was kind of slightly surprised to see that it was Michael though. He seemed to show up at the worst moments.

I mean for one I felt utterly defeated, my makeup was most likely running, and I was in tears. Yep I was totally sexy right now. Wait why do I care what I look like it's only Michael. It's not like he hasn't seen all of me already. My scars in all they're glory. So my makeup running can't make it all that worse.

I might want to stop crying so I don't look so weak. I might be standing tall, and confident. Though the tears falling down my face sort of screwed up the image I was going for. Why did my body betray me.

I wiped my eyes, and tried for a weak smile. He rolled his eyes, and pulled me into his chest. Wrapping his arms around me. While all I could do was grab hold of him, and sob. He rubbed my back, and murmured poetry to me.

After a few minutes of this I calmed down. He then put me at arms length and said,"I love you". I went wide eyed. He loved me. I wondered if that was possible considering I was a monster, all humans are. Some more tolerable than others. My skin is nothing more than a history of punishments I had received for being one myself.

I soon realized I didn't want to question it, and said very confidently,"I love you too". He nodded as if knowing that already, and picked me up carrying me home.