Elliannas p.o.v
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I woke up Saturday morning after the party feeling absoulety horrible in more ways than one, I had a hangover, my eyes were puffy and my chest hurt from crying all night but most importantly my heart hurt, and as much as I didn't want to admit it it was my fault. I got caught up playing pretend in my mind, pretending Shane liked me, that he wanted me, that us being together was possible. it was just fantasy. if I was Shane id pick Julia too, a thousand times over, she was everything I wanted to be, she had the one thing I wanted most. So I spent Saturday getting all my emotions out, I cried, I was angry, I reflected in a journal and most importantly I ignored Shanes texts. but now it was Sunday and wether I liked it or not I needed to face the music, it was better to do it now that in first period Monday. so when I woke up this morning I texted Shane and told him to meet me in the tree house, he of course complied so now here I sat my feet hanging off the edge of the plat form watching Shane hop over Colins fence, at just the sight of him I felt a rush of emotions return the same emotions I spent all Saturday trying to get rid of.
Here we sat both cris cross across from each other neither of us wanting to speak first. finally I broke. "I don't want to have this conversation." I told him. he stared at me calculating a response. I hated that I just wanted him to speak. when he finally decided t perfect words I was underwhelmed. "I don't wanna have this conversation either." I felt a swell of emotion inside me it encouraged me to talk more, tell him how I felt. "I really embarrassed myself Friday huh? crying over a kiss, crying over you?" Shane shook his head. "Elli im sorry, I should've told you I was dating her, I was just afraid to hurt you, because I knew, you know." I couldn't discern if he was sorry or not, I wished he wasn't then it would be easier to hate him, but the part of me that still believed he was pure good refused to believe he was anythignbut sincere. "why didn't you just tell me." he shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I was scared of the consequences, I've been through shit too." I shook my head, he had no right to pull the I've ben through shit card, he had seen what id been through, he was there he saw it first hand. My mind flashed to the glazed over look he had in his eyes while he was blocking the doorway. it was one of the few things I distinctly remembered from the other night."that's what hurts the most out of all this." He gave me a confused look. "what do you mean?"
"I thought you were different, I trusted you with my secrets and you refuse to offer the same trust to me." He seemed to retreat into himself, his confidence dissipated it was strange it was like I was looking at a ten year old version of Shane. "maybe its not you, have you considered im not ready to talk about it?" I was slightly taken aback. he had a point I didn't take into account his feelings I just thought if he told me things would be different. " I think we flew too close to the sun, our friendship went too fast and now we need to back track and take some steps back." He shifted in the place emerging from the vulnerable place he was in. "there's nothing wrong with becoming friends with someone, Elli I don't know what id do with out you, your one of my favorite people to be around I don't want that to change." he spoke so sweetly and gave me a gentle look with his beautiful brown eyes. it made me want to run into his arms, I had to remind myself those feelings were ones I know had to indefinitely push aside. "I just need to start thinking of you differently. like a brother, like how I see Colin." there was awkward scilence as I stared off to Colins house, if anything else I had gotten my friendship back with him because of Shane.
"he told me to fix this before Monday you know?" Shane gave me an apologetic look, it was honestly a bit pathetic but oh well. "were cool, but I think we need to step back, Colin can drive me to school from now on and maybe we cut down on being together outside of school? with the exception of tutoring of course." I was willing to forgive Shane, how could I not when a small part of me still had romantic feelings for him. "that's fine whatever you need to get past this." he offered. I stood up to leave. the problem no matter how much it had embittered me was solved. "Good, Ill see you in Chem tomorrow." I told him as I turned away.
"Wait I need to ask you about one more thing," I turned to face him once more my eyebrows raised, Shane stood up to meet my eye level better. "Who was the guy that drove you home?" My eyes went wide, he couldnt know about Austin, that would he disaster. "How do you know who drove me home?" I demanded, hoping it was a diffrent guy Shane saw not Austin. " I walked Julia out to her car and this guy was smoking a ciggerate and told me you were mad at me, he was being a asshole. He wouldnt tell me who he was, he said i should ask Miranda?" Shane gave me a confused expression, and i didnt blame him, who knows what Austin could have told him, he was difficult and liked to pull that mysterious crap. "Dont ask Mer about him, whatever you do." I warned, i did not need her knowing about my drive home with Austin. "Why cant i tell her, who even is he Elli?" I took a deep breath and sighed. "His name is Austin Greene, and Miranda used to be romantically involved with his older brother Aaron who no longer goes to North view. he was expelled because spring break last year he got in a argument with Mer that turned physical, it wasn't pretty not to mention the repeutation he had with other girls at Northview so, he's at Western now." Shane nodded his head taking in my words not in any way shocked. I guess nothing was shocking anymore around here.
"so Aaron is a piece of shit, but what about Austin? is he different?" I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know really, Austin keeps a low profile at school, I know his upbringing isn't the best, he and his brother are zoned to western, They live across town In the trailer park, Their dad went to jail for domestic violence when we were in like 6th grade so I can only imagine what their childhoods were like, and their mom is pretty strung out on drugs so they've had it rough." It was strange but I think Shane kinda felt for Austin, I got the sense that Shane might have dealt with similar things, but that couldn't be possible. Shane had money he lived in the nice part of town he had a fancy car and big brick house, he had his dad too and he seemed okay. the only part of Shane that was a mystery to me was the Jefferson Mississippi part, his mom and brother, his friends back home, he never talked about any of it. "Austin didn't hurt you or anything on Friday did he?" Shane asked me, I shook me head and responded quickly. "no, no, he was pretty quiet he just drove me home, it was fine." I told him as confidently as I could, I knew if I couldn't convince him there would surely be a fight at school tomorrow. "good, I don't know if I trust him." Shane folded his arms over his broad chest and gave me a impassive glare. I hated when he got all tough like that, I liked the gentle Shane, when he smiled just for me,"I don't either, I never have. and you promise you won't say anything to Mer about it right? I pinky promise nothing bad happened." I stuck out my pinky hoping that he would smile and wrap is little finger around mine. "I won't say anything, as long as he stays away from you." he wrapped his pinky around mine and then placed his hands in his pockets. "Ill see you tomorrow then in chem, im glad were cool." I shrugged my shoulders, Shane gave me a little smile. "me too Elli." he agreed. as he climbed down the ladder of the tree house and disappeared over Colins fence.
