Elliannas pov
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Somehow we managed to stay and talk at the dairy queen until it closed at midnight. So here we were like any other regular teens standing by Shanes's black mustang gt talking in the parking lot under only the light of the moon. Our conversation was winding down, which was probabblyvfor the best as I'm sure my crazy psychopathic mother was waiting for me at home. "Thank you for everything tonight Elli." He leaned up against the drivers side of his car, I just crossed my arms and smiled. "What are you thanking me for? Your the one who took me out for ice cream and paid." I responded, he shook his head.
"No you don't understand. Tonight could've been a really bad night for me, and you made it okay." I felt my face furrow in confusion. "Then help me understand, I want to know." I gave him a soft look and a soft smile, I hoped that'd be enough to get him to open up to me because I truly wanted to help him, he had already done so much for me.
He let out a huff and then started speaking. "I don't drink right?" he asked rhetorically, I felt my face contort with confusion. What dod that have to do with any of this? "Yeah?" I replied with just as much confusion in my voice as my face.
"When I lived in Mississippi I had a bit of a drinking problem and the nights when I Lost football games or some kind of school drama went down I would go on these binges and totally make an ass of myself or be a dick and make bad choices." I was shocked, but at the same time I didn't care, that wasn't the Shane e Iknew and I saw past all that once was him. Because to me there was no world where that was even possible, to me Shane Anderson was the definition of good.
I approached him and put my hands on his shoulders, I don't know what could have been running through his head, but I knew what was running through mine. "Then I'm really proud of you." I whispered to him. "I didn't do anything special. We still lost the game." the words exiting his perfect lips in a somber tone. "But you didn't let it control you and go on a drinking binge, instead you came here." we locked eyes and in this moment I really wished I could read his mind and understand the emotions that were swirling in his brown eyes. "You don't care I used to be a drunk idiot?" I shook my head. "No, it's not who you are now, and you didn't care about everything that happened in my past." He didn't say anything, Everything was still and silent, almost like we were frozen in time. "You turned things around, that's what counts." I told him with a soft whisper and a smile gracing my lips.
"You are the reason I turned things around." Butterflies occupied my stomach and I felt my heart beat accelerate. He pulled me close to him and I thought we were finally going to kiss. I desperately wanted him to kiss me. I liked him, I liked his dirty blonde hair and choclateeyes, I liked his his confidence even though he was still humble, I liked everything about him.
The tips of our noses brushed and I could feel the heat of his breath on my lips. His strong arms wrapped around my lower back and I slid my hands down from his shoulder to his muscled chest. And just when I thought our lips would touch he gently kissed my forehead instead. Then we just started at each other for a bit. I couldn't have been more confused. Weren't we getting really close? "Why didn't you kiss me?" I said as I shifted my focus towards the ground. he brushed my hair behind my ear. And then slid his finger tips down my cheek and under my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his. "Your too good Ellianna." his expression was bittersweet. "What do you mean?"
"I'm not going to date you or kiss you because I don't want to hurt you, you don't deserve that." I could never see him hurting me, not as my friend or not as my boyfriend. Oh him as my boyfriend that was a thought.
"The only version of you is the one I know now. This version of Shane is physically incapable of breaking my heart." I stared at him and begged with my eyes to change his mind, but his impassive expression didn't change. There was going to be no convincing him on this matter.
"You don't know all the sides of me, and until you know all the sides I'm not going to risk breaking your heart, trust me Ellianna this is for the best." he brushed his thumb across my cheek and then removed it and pulled away. Leaving me missing his touch, and I had a feeling his touch would be something I would be missing for a while. "Show me all the sides of you, I want to know them, I want to know you." I grabbed his arm hoping he would open up to me, but I doubted it.
He stayed silent, this was the first time I saw his unshakable confidence dissipate, it was weird almost scary in a way, maybe Shane being vulnerable would change things, what would he even say? It was nerve-wracking to ruminate when he was so serious about it.
"What are you so afraid of? It's just me Shane. nothing is gonna change." I let my fingertips brush across his arm and then rested my hands by my side. " The way you see me will change, I can almost guarantee it."
"I just wanna help you, you have already done so much for me, that's all." he gave me a bittersweet smile the over all look on his face still defeatist. "Dont worry about me Ellianna, I'll be okay." I decided that was as much progress I would make with Shane tonight so I put on a smirk.
"You can call me Elli you know." I told him with a small smile trying to brush pass this akeardness. "Okay the Elli, let me get you home." he nudged my shoulder in a big brother kind of way and I walked around to get into the passenger side of his car. It was hard for me knowing that he and I would never be a thing. Well at least for the foreseeable future.
