wanda x daughter one shots

is it worth it?

warnings: mentions of sh

age: 15

wanda isn't readers mother

-

Y/N's POV

I'm not doing well, there's no denying that.

But I don't 'not do well' the way other people do.

Most people will just have a bad day or two, cry a little, do something to make them feel better and after that, can move on.

That's not me.

I just wallow in the feeling for far too long until it becomes me.

Well, I say 'feeling' when really I'm not sure if I even have those anymore. It's a very real possibility that I might just be permanently void of emotion. It would make sense that after everything that's happened, my mind would try and protect me by turning all of the emotions off.

And when I don't feel, I do something that forces me to.

Something that forces me to let out a breath of relief. Something that I have done so many times and have withheld from doing now for two-hundred and twenty-eight days.

I'm supposed to be seeing my old therapist again soon, and I'm just looking forward to being able to tell her how long I've made it without the habit I used to do daily.

But I'm beginning to think that I won't have quite as many days to report back. Not with the direction my thoughts are going in. I fear that within even an hour, it could happen again. That's how long I've been trying to put it off.

It's not like anyone cares, though. Especially not my family. Why would they? They're simply a load of selfish and heartless 'people'. If I could get rid of one thing in life, it would be them.

At least I have Wanda. Wanda's always here, even when she's not.

To any sane person, the idea of telling someone you trust of your plans would be what to do in this situation. To an autistic, mentally ill, fifteen year old, it seems pointless.

All I'm gonna be doing is worrying her when I know that I'll probably be over it soon.

But then again, that urge is coming in strong. I could do it. The objects I used to use are so easily accessed. But is throwing away almost a year really worth it?

It feels like it could be.

But really - is it worth it?

Is it worth the stinging pain, the blood-stained sleeves, the pain every time it rubs against your clothes afterwards, the guilt?

I guess we'll find out.

-

Two Days Later

Was it worth it?

Was it worth the stinging pain, the blood-stained sleeves, the pain every time it rubs against your clothes afterwards, the guilt?

For just a few moments of sweet relief.

Was it worth Wanda finding out and worrying about me so strongly?

"I just don't understand, Y/N. It's been so long. Why didn't you come get me? I could have-"

"You couldn't have stopped me," I interrupt her. "I was too close to doing it, anyway."

The witch stares at me solemnly for a few seconds before sitting down next to me on my bed. She's really blaming herself, I don't see why.

"Oh, honey," she sighs. "I'm sorry you felt the need to do it again. Can I please see?"

I let out a soft and sarcastic chuckle. "When have you ever known me to willingly show you?"

"... I'm hoping you might start here. I just wanna make sure they're clean, baby. You did clean them, didn't you?"

I stay silent as I play with the rings on my fingers, feeling Wanda's burning gaze on me.

"Y/N... honey, we've talked about this. Cleaning them is the most important step here. Can I do it for you?"

Immediately, I shake my head 'no'. No way am I letting someone else see, let alone touch them.

"Alright, we can leave that for now," she says, "Can I give you a hug, then? They sometimes make you feel better."

Her question receives no answer as I instantly climb onto her lap and hold on tight, desperately needing comfort and affection, yet always feeling deprived.

Nothing feels right anymore.

-

not proofread